Weekend Soundtrack: Pity Party of One

Are you crying right now? I made this for you.

Pity Party of One on Spotify
Pity Party of One on Rdio

Playlist:

Out the Airlock, Paul Dempsey
Better Than Nothing, Sarah Jaffe
The Way We Ought to Be, Indigo Swing
Love Love Love, Of Monsters and Men
New Ceremony, Dry the River
Hate to See You Like This, Fountains of Wayne
Sugar, Dan Wilson
About Today, The National
Any Day Will Do Fine, Michael Kiwanuka
Doubt, Wye Oak
I’ll Catch You, The Get Up Kids
When the Night Comes, Dan Auerbach
Mama, You Been On My Mind, Jeff Buckley
Rain, Patty Griffin

Do you ever arrange your music by mood? What have you been listening to lately?

Divorce Field Guide: Best Advice

-via my Instagram stream.

Thanks everyone for your comments and emails last week (re: Divorce and Grief). I should preface this post by saying that I’m able to write about divorce now because the worst is over. I’m in a happy, productive place. As I mentioned last week, there are still flashes of grief, and I expect that to persist for a while, but overall I’m looking forward to what’s next.

I didn’t post much through the divorce, because I was too tender, but I’m here now because I’m hoping these notes and the comments can be helpful – especially to those of you who are going through the worst of it right now.

What follows are the three best pieces of advice I received from friends when I was at my unhappiest:

1. Lower the bar for a while.

A girlfriend said she had a kind, mild friend who went a little nuts during her divorce. She was enraged, destroying expensive common property, and behaving in other ways that were out of character. But after a year, she’d mostly returned to normal.

“Everyone gets at least a year of crazy,” my friend said. “Don’t expect to be yourself for a while.”

Whenever I felt overwhelmed, I remembered those words. I didn’t feel like myself, but temporarily setting a lower bar made me feel accomplished for not throwing a rock through anyone’s window. Small victories.

2. There’s good stuff waiting.

Shortly after my separation, I had lunch with an acquaintance whose parents had been divorced when she was around Hank’s age. She said both parents had found new mates who made them happier, and that she could see how hard things would have been if they’d stayed together.

“I’m so excited for you,” she said. “You get to have your own place, figure out who you are on your own, fall in love again, and have first kisses again.”

She knew I wasn’t there yet, but she’ was genuinely excited for me. She’d seen first hand that there could be a happier life on the other side of the hard part, and it gave me hope.

3. It takes a very good boyfriend to beat no boyfriend at all.

There’s no loneliness as deep as feeling alone in the company of someone you love.

A while after the separation, I was starting to feel better. I was listening to new music, enjoying time with my kiddo more, and having long chats with far-flung girlfriends.

On one of those calls with a friend who had also been through a divorce, we talked about how it’s scary to wonder whether you’ll ever be in a relationship again.

“Take your time,” she said. “It takes a damn good boyfriend to beat no boyfriend at all.”

There’s the wisdom that got me through to a happier place. What’s the most helpful breakup advice you’ve received?

I Love You, America.

Watermelon! Sparklers! Chlorine! Your drunk uncle! Happy Fourth of July, team.

Whitney Houston, Star Spangled Banner

19 Regional Words All Americans Should Adopt Immediately

A More Perfect Union (via swissmiss)

Smithsonian’s American Facial Hair of Note Pinterest board

Give Me a Sign, Working the Democratic National Convention (I wrote this in 2004)

The Best Songs About the 50 States

American Dollar Bill Origami

5 Beloved Ethnic Foods Invented for Americans

What facts about the United States do foreigners not believe until they come to America? (via kottke)

American Girls Pose with Their American Girl Dolls (Ilona Szwarc, via kottke)

The Models for American Gothic (via kottke)

President Building Block Set

United Steaks of America, Slideshow (via swissmiss)

Top 10 American Baby Names for 2011

Ray Charles Singing America the Beautiful

Five Super Easy Fourth of July Desserts

Look that awesome cake!! Holy crap, it looks like the U.S. Flag when you cut into it! GAH! It would be so cute with sparklers on top. You should pin the shit out of that. You already did? You totally pinned it. And the next time you have six hours to bake a cake, it will be one of the seventeen cakes on your Girl With The Most Cake board. That rainbow cake is awesome too.

In the meantime, here are five quick patriotic desserts you might actually make this Independence Day. Or you can just pin them. Your call.

1. Red, White, and Blueberry Trifle

2. Patriotic Watermelon Blueberry Snack

3. Fourth of July Patriotic Ice Cream Cones

4. Patriotic Berry and Cake Dessert Platter

5. Spangled Ice Cream Sandwich Pops

Objects of Affection: Bottle Opener Collection

AMERICA! Tomorrow is our day to shine as a nation. Please stop trying to open your July 4 beer bottles with your wedding ring, your iPhone, a piece of paper, your teeth. There are better ways to go about this, six of which are pictured above.

Mighty Thirst: Shots in ‘Cots

BAM! I made shot glasses out of apricots! Because I am a Lady MacGyver. These contain tequila, so I regret not salting the rims to make Margarita Bites. Be ye not so thoughtless.

They’re easy to make. Three steps:

1. Test your apricots to make sure they’ll stand up on their bums.
2. While your apricot is standing on a flat surface, take a metal cap (I used one from a booze bottle), and press it into the stem end.
3. Use a knife or small spoon to pull out the top and the pit beneath.

Voila, drunkards! Tiny little booze bombs.

Happy Fourth of July tomorrow! Please do not do shots and light things on fire. Love, Maggie

Mighty Closet: Natalie Holbrook

Photo by Rebecca Baust of The Daily Muse, who deserves some high fives.

The first time I saw Natalie of Nat The Fat Rat, she was wearing a huge white tulle skirt and a Raglan sleeve skirt at the ALT White Party. In a room full of designers, she kinda won that party. Let’s take a look at her outfit:

Right? Right!? Slow clap, Natalie.

I could tell just by looking at her that she had a sense of humor, and my brain whispered, “Heeeey. Hey. Will you be my friend?” as I passed by her. Without making eye contact.

Fortunately, a few months later, Sarah Bryden-Brown hosted a Sunday Supper, and Natalie plopped right down next to me. She’s been writing online since 2003, and said she’d been reading Mighty Girl for years. We talked and laughed all night.

Bam! Friended up.

Over the years, Natalie’s site has catalogued her struggles with infertility, the joyful birth of her son Huck, and her life in New York with her husband Holbs. She’s a full-time mum who still loves dressing well, and one of my favorite things about her site is all the photos of her pushing a stroller around with her maxi-skirt fluttering in the wind.

In person, Natalie is just as kind, but much more dangerous than she is on her site. Admit it, Miss Natalie! There’s a midnight skinny-dipper in there. I see through your hipster Sandra-Dee act, and your closet does too.

Many thanks to Rebecca Baust of The Daily Muse for taking the lovely photos and bringing Natalie’s happy face over here.

Take it away, Ms. Holbrook:

I’m the kind of person who is completely in love with the idea of a minimalist “uniform” when it comes to getting dressed. There is something so emotionally satisfying to me about a really well edited, perfectly considered closet. In fact, when I was in high school, I took this idea very, very seriously. (Not surprisingly, I took *everything* very, very, oh so very seriously in high school). I felt sure that I was going to define myself through my wardrobe, and that I could pick just one look and really commit to it all the way. Otherwise, how would I know who I was? But I could never decide what that should be. It used to give me such grief. Uh, I was a little intense about things back then. I slowly figured out that, as much as I wish I did, I just don’t work that way. It turns out I am a total maximalist in the closet. I need about a million different options in the morning when I’m getting dressed, because every day I like to be someone different. Picking out clothes for the day is the ultimate game of dress up. I finally learned to stop taking it so seriously, and to just have some fun.

That said, there are a few pieces in my closet that I gravitate to over and over and over. And here they are!

At my very heart and soul, I am a jeans and a tee shirt girl. I’m also real short-like, so I rarely wear flats. These shoes are zippy, huh! They’re from Forever 21. (Shhh, my WHOLE CLOSET is Forever 21.)

Something I’ve learned about myself: If you were to hold me at gunpoint and tell me I could only wear one kind of shirt for the rest of my life, I would choose the baseball tee. Because baseball tees are freaking sexy, is why.

Tee: Target
Jeans: J.Crew Matchstick Crop
Shoes: Forever 21

I’m on a mission to bring back the overalls. Won’t you join me?

Wanna know why overalls are rad? Millions of pockets.

Top: Forever 21
Overalls: ASOS
Hat: Forever 21
Heels: Madewell
Head scarf: Missoni for Target

Okay but if you held me at gunpoint and told me I could pick two kinds of shirts, the second kind would be stripy kind.

Also I have four pleated skirts of various colors.

This blush one is my favorite.

Top: Madewell
Skirt: eBay
Shoes: Forever 21
Hat: Forever 21
Bag: Zara

This dress was the single most exciting purchase of my life.

As a seasoned Forever 21 shopper, this was the most I’ve ever spent on a dress, and I’ll never do it again either, I swear it. My goal is to get the cost per wear down to about four bucks, so I’ve been practically living in it.

Luckily it happens to be the perfect dress, so I haven’t minded.

Dress: Madewell
Shoes: Kork-Ease
Bag: Zara
Hat: Forever 21

I don’t get a whole lot of excuses to dress up, unless you count going to church on Sundays.

I like my fancier things to be just this side of almost-too-casual-to-work.

I also believe strongly there is nothing that can’t be made better with denim.

Top: Walmart
Skirt: Anthropologie
Shoes: Forever 21
Belt: J.Crew
Watch: Michael Kors
Bracelets: Madewell, Forever 21

Natalie, I kiss your face. Thank you so much for all your hard work putting this post together. And thanks again to Rebecca too.

Maybe I can’t figure out how to make a pair of overalls look this good, but I’m finally going to buy a damn maxi skirt. I can hear your evil laugh from here.