Getting married is like having a child, suddenly everyone wants to tell you what to do. I’m no exception. In fact, if you’re newly engaged, you may want to sit next to someone else at dinner, because I will not shut up about your wedding. It’s insufferable, I know, but I’m powerless to stop myself.
Anyway, here’s a little dose of unsolicited advice for those of you fortunate enough to live out of earshot:
Take a group photo. Nearly all the people you love are here, in one place. This isn’t likely to happen again until your funeral.
Be prepared. I had a kit on hand for minor emergencies. Having all my little fixes in one place made it easy for anyone to grab me a pair of scissors, some clear nail polish, a flask of bourbon. Here’s a bridal emergency kit list, but you’ll find a zillion of them online. Bridesmaids, if you’re extra helpful, telling the bride you’ll assemble this kit is a thoughtful gesture.
Let go of traditions that bug you. I’m a tall girl with an unfair advantage in the bouquet catching game. It often felt like an obligation to catch the bride’s bouquet before it fell on the floor when everyone else stepped out of the way. Of course then, you must grapple with the look of mild terror on the face of Boyfriend du Jour. So at our wedding, we called everyone onto the floor and announced that catching the bouquet meant prosperity beyond your wildest dreams.
The 6’8 Dutch guy caught it, and he’s currently my husband’s business partner. Fingers crossed, but I have heard a glowing crotch is auspicious.
Do something fun with your guest book. We had a friend take polaroids of guests, and it was such instant gratification to flip through it the next morning. Plus, we still look at it every once in a while.
Plan with a sense of humor. Sure weddings are solemn and import laden, but receptions can be fun — whatever that means to you. Worry a little less about whether something is appropriate and consider whether it will add to the celebration. Crazy straws at the bar? Candy cigarettes as wedding favors? Yes.
Consider consumables as attendant gifts. I got cool necklaces for my bridesmaids and the female attendants on Bryan’s side, but the groomsmen and ushers got port. Looking back on the now-outdated necklaces, I think the guys did better.
Choose your financial battles. Decide what’s important to you, spend your money there, and aim for festive with everything else.
For us, the bar was key, so we did it up. But Bryan used to work in catering, and both of us agreed that once the crowd gets over 100, you really have to pay through the nose for wedding food to be memorable. We decided to make the food fun and celebratory instead. In lieu of passed appetizers, we had a popcorn machine and a cotton candy machine out front. We brought in a BBQ truck for dinner so folks would have some solid food to offset the cocktails.
We were among the first couples to order cupcakes from Citizen Cake — before they upped the prices to reflect the trend — which also meant we didn’t need to rent cake plates and forks. Later in the evening, we had passed Krispy Kreme donuts as a snack. The food was casual for sure, but there was plenty of it, and the bar was a masterpiece.
So those were my big lessons from our wedding, but what are yours? I’m curious to hear pet peeves you have as a wedding guest, what you’ve loved about weddings you’ve been to, what you took away from your own wedding? Spill. I have an anniversary party to plan.
Mighty Girl 
My biggest pet peeve as a wedding guest is when the couple makes the guests do some sort of embarrassing singing, dancing, etc to get the couple to kiss. OR the couple pretends they really don’t want to kiss. Really? You just got married and you’re going to pretend that within six hours you won’t be ripping each other’s clothes off? I don’t think it’s too much to ask for a cute little wine glass clink, a little smooch and be done. That’s just me.
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hell. yes. to all of this. we had a super small ceremony and then did it up for the reception, inviting tons of people. we took a group photo after the ceremony was done, and had a champagne toast with all 30 of the guests that were there.
i let the bridesmaids pick their own dresses, and all still wear them.
bridal party gift idea? Toms Shoes. we didn’t do it, and it’s my one regret. they’d have been perfect to wear as the night wore on and all our shoes got uncomfortable.
we had karaoke at our wedding after about an hour of dancing – it’s how i met and fell in love with my husband, so it made sense. and it was AMAZING. my husband sang The Humpty Dance, my brother Dan Rick-Rolled the wedding, and almost everyone at the reception sang something. Such a blast!
i made all the flowers. crochet flowers. for the bouquets, the boutonnieres, even the ones at the tables. it was important to me to reflect my crafty sensibility, and guests ran off with them in droves they loved them so much – bonus for us, less clean-up!
now i want to do a wedding post recap as well – such a great day!
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I love this. I’m also that girl that will not shut up about weddings. We were married almost 6 months ago so now I often force my advice, warnings (I have lots of warnings)and squeals of excitement on engaged folks. My biggest advice is to get yourself a day of coordinator. I thought I wouldn’t need one, but I was blessed with someone who took the job and she seriously saved the day. Also, if you’re ever uncomfortable during standard wedding traditions, don’t include them in your own wedding.
The thing that makes me the most uncomfortable at weddings is unassigned seating. I’m already awkward and it always happens when I don’t know anyone at the wedding. Total awkfest 2010.
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We had pre-wedding happy hour with an open bar. People were much happier to sit through our ceremony after they had a drink or two.
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My biggest lesson:
When people try to give you advice, smile and politely say, “Thank you for your input”, then keep doing whatever you want. 🙂
Also, let people help, but be prepared to let go of control. My dad and stepmom created our centrepieces (herb pots from their garden) and I didn’t know or care what their plans were. Another friend made our cake as a present – we’d planned to have a wedding pie, but it was such a sweet gesture (no pun intended) and contribution that we were happy to accept.
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Your wedding sounded like a blast! I think being true to what you are comfortable with. If live music is what you want, cut on something else. If you are a foody and don’t care about music, hire a DJ.
We treated our wedding like a big party. Everyone, including my husband’s 80-something Italian grandmother hit the dance floor. Our photographer took a bazillion pictures and 99% were candid. I would advise against too many posed picture because for me, the ones I loved were the silly, fun, and even tender moments caught by our photographer.
My best friend is getting married this weekend and this post is especially topical for me. I have spent the last year helping her plan, being a soundboard and giving her advice so now I cannot WAIT to be part of her wedding this Sunday.
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The best advice was actually from you from a previous post. Toss the “Garter Tossing” Ugh, if only I had read your blog back then! This is by far the only regret of my wedding day. I hated it. At the time, I just thought it was traditional. Now I think it’s terribly tacky and makes everyone uncomfortable.
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we had a post reception party, after hours at a bar. I changed into a black dress and dancing shoes and we partied until we had to leave for the airport for the honeymoon! it was great to see my closest friends in a more relaxed setting, since to appease the older contingent we had a fairly formal reception (wine and beer only! no band! antique furniture!)
I also let the bridesmaids pick their own dresses. And OPEN BAR!!
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The bouquet toss is the only time I feel a stigma attached to my single status, which I enjoy and see no reason to defend to you or your wedding guests. Ever notice how the group of women expected to fight over airborne flowers looks sheepishly strained? It’s because they’re trying to be good sports and participate enthusiastically without looking like desperate spinsters. Friends don’t do this to each other!
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We just went to a friend’s wedding–the first with our 18 month old son in tow. It was a destination wedding, in the middle of the woods. Lovely, yes, but a nightmare for trying to wrangle a little boy.
Dinner was particularly bad, and made even worse by the fact that we were the only people at the table with a kid. We felt like we were totally disrupting everyone’s meal, even though they all claimed not to mind. I realized that it’s a good idea to seat parents with kids together. They’re more sympathetic when things get crazy, and you all have something in common to talk about.
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I was just in my sister’s wedding and she had a really cute idea for gifts for her attendants. She bought a personalized canvas bag from LL Bean and filled it with her favorite things (a la Oprah), including her favorite shampoo and conditioner, candy, headband, office supplies (she’s a teacher), etc. It was all useful stuff and was done in a memorable and thoughtful way.
For our wedding, 4 years ago, we had a small wedding only 15 guests including ourselves! We had both the ceremony and the reception at an intimate Italian restaurant. We could afford an open bar, fabulous food, gourmet wedding cake and brownie favors because we kept it small. Both my husband and I were uncomfortable with the attention, expense, and planning that a large wedding requires so we did ours exactly as we wanted and couldn’t have been happier.
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Our wedding was in the evening, and we knew it would take the two of us awhile to get to the reception hall because of pictures. So we told the caterers to start bringing food out when people showed up, not to wait for us. It worked out perfectly, no sitting around starving for our guests, and it was time to cut the cake as soon as we showed up!
My other advice is to remember the purpose throughout the planning process and that day. If at the end of the day, you got married, the day was successful. Perfectly matching ribbon and $5000 dresses won’t be what you remember. The little unplanned things will be your favorite parts. This is very important to consider if you are on a budget, because you will regret having to pay for your wedding for the next two years instead of buying a house!
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One thing I loved at a wedding I attended was that the dinner was served to each table on separate platters “family style”. It was fun, less expensive for the bride and groom, each guest got to take as much or as little of each item served, and it definitely broke the ice to have to ask the person across from you to pass the potatoes. The set-up was several long, rectangular tables rather than tons of rounds so it made more sense and felt like everyone was sitting down to a family meal.
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I love how weddings now are more reflective of the couple’s personality. Make your wedding about what you like, not what you think it should be like. I also say forego ALL posed pictures. Really, throw them out. My favorite shots from our wedding (we had very few posed pics) are all candids. I also think color is your friend-make your wedding festive.
And remember, the important thing is the getting married part. Everything else is just gravy.
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Some people get so serious about the wedding. I think brides (and grooms) need to remember to lighten up and enjoy. The most important thing the marriage, not the wedding.
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I’d say the most important advice I could give a bride is to just go with the flow and keep your cool. Any and all of the little silly things that might go “wrong” are just great stories to tell post-wedding. I can sum up mine in one word: “drunkle”. Mildly horrifying in the moment, yet hilarious the day after.
Maggie, your wedding sounds utterly lovely! Hurrah for SF weddings and gorgeous gowns under $300!
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I wish someone had told me about the blues that come after the wedding. You spend all this time planning an event, all the people you love are in one place, and then it ends and you feel slightly overwhelmed and weepy. I remember finally admitting it to a married friend and she was like, yeah, i think it happens to everyone. I felt like I needed a warning that it was normal rather than feeling stressed about why I felt blue when I was all newly married and shiny 🙂
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I can’t give advice because that would be like WORK (and I have a website for that), but well done you. The first picture? Adorable.
Yay for booze! We bought all our own booze (do this if you can, such a money saver) and we had a case of Meeker wine left. We drank it on the month-a-versary all year. Though are food was pretty amazing. We did middle eastern. Doing non-traditional food was meant better quality for the price (not so much meat) and people were WAY more excited about it than I ever would have guessed.
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Make sure you have someone recording the speeches. You will be too hopped up on adrenaline and champagne to remember much of it, and later you’ll be so glad to have that video of your loved ones choking up as they tell embarrassing stories from your childhood. But also make sure you have editorial control over what’s posted to YouTube.
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Reading these cracks me up. It’s so clear to me that we got married at the same time. We had the same guest book and polaroid camera. The book was spendy (or so I thought at the time) but I love it. I just wish our families weren’t so stuffy. Very few actually wrote messages to us in it despite having space for it.
We also took a group photo and I love it dearly. The whole series of photos as we all gathered is so sweet and funny.
I struggled a lot when planning our wedding. I wanted something by the sea (so we could take photos on the beach), I wanted the reception to be in a magical, romatic garden in the evening. I wanted gorgeous flowers, fabulous photos, and a great cake.
We got most of what we wanted (photos on the beach, garden setting that we turned magical with lots of work, great cake, good photos), but had to do lots of other things ourselves to make that work. And I was stressed.
My only concern about the bar was that I have champagne, that we served some beer and wine that was good. I didn’t want an open bar as I had several family members go overboard at other family weddings and wanted to avoid a scene. I didn’t take into account other people (namely hubby’s college friends) and we ran out of beer after dinner and champagne after the toast. Ouch. Huge party planning mistake on my part. Hubby’s friends went to the liquor store across the street and got 40s that are the “highlight” of the reception photos. Well maybe now 7 years later, but boy did I not love it at the time. And my pared down offerings didn’t save me from a scene anyway! The usual suspects left when the beer ran out but a previously sober aunt got drunk for the first time in 20 years and that scene was ten times worse.
I think my biggest mistake was that I really planned the party for *me* and not necessarily for anyone else. My mom hated 80% of my ideas and was really sad about that because I’m her only daughter. And I sort of didn’t care. My guests genuinely were not the types to care or notice the details I spent so much time on and I’m sure they would have preferred I spent more money on champagne instead of a sterling silver cake knife set with our monogram on it.
Having said that, they raved out the CDs we made as favors, and everyone LOVED our spendy cake with buttercream frosting dyed to match my husband’s tie. There were only three pieces left at the end of the night!
But when I look at the photos now, I see how much we loved each other that day. And how emotional it was. And how excited our families were for us. The rest fades away.
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Don’t let any old ladies who dress like a bag o’ hammers tell you that your yellow shoes won’t match your short ivory dress!
Yes to the excellent booze and the casual food. Also, the group shot bc zooming in on people’s face is awesome. Everyone you love is so happy and smiling! And I think my MIL gave a fist pump which =awesome.
I think we were wedding twins.
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Pet Peeve – cheap liquor. I’ve forked over how much to attend your out-of-state bridal shower, bachelorette party and wedding? Your liquor had best be strong.
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I’m really enjoying these posts, Maggie. Your wedding looks like it was absolutely beautiful, and super-fun!
I got married almost a year ago, and some things were awesome, and some things still bug me.
Advice:
Pay for the services that are the most important to you. Even if you have a cousin who is a film maker who will totally do your wedding video for free, or five different photographer friends, or your best friend is a chef. We had three different photographers who were very dear friends, and our videographer is my husband’s cousin. Nobody got the “getting ready” shots, and everyone stopped shooting right after the toasts part of the reception to go get drunk and dance, so we have almost no reception pictures at all. Our wedding video is still not done, probably never will be, and because we didn’t pay, we have absolutely no recourse.
Wear the dress you want. If you want to wear a short strappy number even though everyone thinks bigger is better, do it. Don’t listen to anyone else on this, especially not the wedding industry. My major regret is that I had a dress I loved, and then got pressured into wearing something big and poofy instead.
Silk flowers are way cheaper, just as pretty, and you can keep them to use again! My wedding flowers got re-used nine months later in my friend’s wedding, and will probably continue to be loaned out until they are all gone.
If you forget to do the marriage license, you can always do it after the honeymoon and nobody will know. Just make sure your officiant and witnesses will sign it later.
Let people help you. Everyone loved my wedding, but I still cringe thinking about it, because I didn’t have any help with the planning (mom is dead, bridesmaids live far away, mother-in-law is generally unenthusiastic until the last minute, don’t have any sisters). Get help. Seriously.
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Embrace minor disasters and fold them into the enduring narrative of the day. You’ll love to laugh at them later.
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Port for the groomsmen: invaluable. And Krispy Kreme’s at the end of the night? WHY DIDN’T WE THINK OF THAT?
Incidentally, we did the polaroid guest book thing, too, and it was a hit.
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Ours is in two weeks! We’re serving whoopie pies from an awesome baker in DC (B. Hall Baker) instead of cake, have a small cake to cut with Princess Leia and Han Solo action figures for the topper, and are skipping the whole garter extravaganza in total. We also extended the cocktail hour (with heavy apps!) so we’d have time to mingle and see everyone… hoping this works out as well as we hope. No anniversary dances, competitions to win the centerpieces, etc. Guests are guests – no hoop-jumping required.
I’m gifting monogrammed (embossed?) leather bookmarks to my bridesmaids, with a book that I’ve selected for each individually. They love to read, and I love to recommend.
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I love weddings, but the idea of planning and being in my own ‘production’ was overwhelming.
My advice: If you don’t want a wedding ‘party’ don’t have one.
My husband and I started wedding planning in June by scouring locations, caterers, Djs, etc…only to decide by July that neither of us actually wanted anything to do with being the center of attention for a large group of people.
Additionally, most of our family members are from out of town (and both families are quite large), so asking people to pay for travel expenses, wedding gifts, etc. in a down economy seemed a bit silly.
In the end, we had a small ceremony with just our parents and siblings and then dinner at one of our favorite restaurants.
We followed up by mailing out a ‘pseudo-elopement’ announcement (including a funny photo of the two of us wearing fake mustaches).
We were afraid some of our friends or family members would be offended, but those who know us well and know our personalities were way more excited that we did it our way. Since then, we’ve had several friends tell us that they wish they had pocketed the money they spent on a wedding for a house payment or to pay off student loans (which we did) And, others have told us they felt pressured to have a big party and didn’t even have time to enjoy it themselves…which we feared.
Luckily our parents were wholly on board with the idea and we weren’t pressured to have any kind of reception just to make anyone else happy.
Bottom line: it really is YOUR day. Do it how you feel most comfortable. And then polish up your dancing shoes for your more out-going friends’ weddings.
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The advice in these wedding posts has been awesome. I’ve always dreamed of a small, fun, family/friends centric wedding. I’m going to have to bookmark these so that I can refer when (in many years!) I decide to tie the knot. The polaroid quest book is particularly amazing.
It is also a lot of fun to see these photos and stories from your past!
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I think you gave the best piece of advice I have which is pick the 2 or 3 things (at most) that are important to you and then compromise on the rest. For me I wanted a champagne toast with real champagne.
That and I prefer weddings that are a true reflection of the couple rather than a payback event put on the bride and/or groom’s parents.
I gave my attendants colors for what to wear and they picked pieces they’d wear again. It’s really amazing how having a group of people wear roughly the same color make them all look very coordinated.
We were married in a Quaker meeting so we married each other no officiant. After we recited our vows my sil got up and read the marriage certificate, then everyone had a chance if they were moved by the spirit to stand up and say something or give some advice. I still remember many of the things said. After the service everyone present signs the marriage certificate. It really means a lot to me that we were truly married in a community with everyone present rooting for us so to speak.
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pet peeve: an unorganized wedding. I recently had to sit through an 8 hour wedding day, where no one knew what was going to happen next, the bride and groom appeared and disappeared at random (it was on a large farm and ‘had to be’ informal). So we sat and waited for most of the time (no bar, no music, not fun). Have someone tell the guest where to stand, when to cheer and what to expect, etc. It makes it more fun for everyone.
We had a very informal wedding ourselves as well, but kept it small, so the whole group could be entertained in one place, with a minimum of effort.
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The biggest mistake planning my wedding was I had no plan. I was totally lost…I’d only ever been to one wedding my entire life. So, everyone took over for me; the flowers and dress and food and venue all THEIR choosing. I just sat there meekly and nodded my head. After all THEY were paying. I look back and I really didn’t have any fun that day.
The best thing is that in 2 years I’m calling re-do and hostessing a totally kick ass 20th anniversary party!
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My unsolicited wedding advice is to not buy into everything the wedding industry hands you. Take the time to think about what is really important to you, your fiance, and your families. Then do those things. Don’t go into debt for your wedding (or your honeymoon.)
My pet peeve as a wedding guest was watching the “Dollar Dance” where guests give the new couple $1 to dance briefly with the bride. First, its rude to collect money from your friends. Second, women shouldn’t be for sale.
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We went table to table to say hi while everyone was eating. After that, we were on the dance floor. I was the one in the big white dress, if someone wanted to say hi, I was pretty easy to spot.
I gave little isotoner ballet slippers to bridesmaids before the reception — they loved them.
I regret the balloon arch, but don’t regret splurging on the flowers. Oh, and we gave the DJ full reign but told him if he played the Macarena he was fired. 🙂
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This might just be me, but the wedding favor things just seems like a big waste of money. I don’t need/want a ‘thank you favor/gift’ for attending your wedding. Nor do I want More Stuff. Take the money and spend it on the food or the liquor, or something more meaningful. I feel guilty not taking the Stuff because you spent money on it, but all I’ll do when I get home is donate it to Goodwill.
*Though* the one useful Stuff thing that did help at one wedding I attended: The bride’s family prepared small bags of Stuff that were distributed at the hotel we all stayed at. The bags included things like directions to local attractions and good local food (along with all the places wedding stuff would be happening), and small snacks. Very helpful for out of town guests.
Best center piece ever: fresh strawberries with quality melted chocolate.
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Great posts Maggie – it’s been really interesting reading your wedding re-caps this week. My husband and I have also been married for 7 years this year and yes, 7 is lucky.
We were only engaged for three months, so instead of sending invitations we called everyone and invited them. It was a hefty phone bill but then we got to talk to all of our family and friends and share the good news that we were getting married. Plus everyone likes it when you call with good news.
I think making the wedding something that suits you is the best advice.
We got married in our apartment then took our 25 guests to our favorite restaurant for dinner. Afterward we invited everyone we knew in town over for a big party back at our apartment, it was a lot of fun.
During the weeks leading up to the wedding I made 25 vases with the date of our wedding written on the bottom. My Mom and I spent the day before the wedding buying flowers and making arrangements for each vase. Our apartment was filled with lots of colourful flowers, which was wonderful, and we gave each wedding guest a vase to take home with them. It’s something many of them still talk about today. And 7 years later it still feels extra special to use the vase I made for us to keep.
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We totally did everything our way AND kept the guests in mind. I wanted to get married at the ocean, but we settled for a Lake nearby. Boates gathered in the water below to watch and they all honked when it was over. We arranged it so we left by his Uncles boat. It was awesome.
We had an open bar, but we set a dollar limit so they came out and told us when we were close. It was pretty late by then so we just let it run instead of shutting it down.
I had appointments for me and 4 others at a swanky salon. A couple months before the wedding the gal left the salon and all my appts. were cancelled – they never called. I ended up with a local gal who charged me $50 total for all of us. I sort of miss the mani/pedi/massage time, but we looked great and it was CHEAP!
Sometimes you can give up the extra stuff and be just as happy with the less expensive second choice.
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Pet Peeve: Getting married outside. In the sun. I live in Louisiana and have attended many outdoor weddings. DON’T seat the guests in the sun. Provide shade for them – not just the altar.
Cool Thing at My Wedding: Our reception was outside and there were lots of children in attendance. We got a blank newspaper roll (relative works at a newspaper) and lined a few long tables with it. Then we scattered baskets of crayons for the children to draw. It also helped that there were swing sets nearby.
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I just went to a Wedding recently and it was jus beautiful. The couple had learned a Waltz Routine as their first dance in the very beginning. Usually food is eaten first but it was a great way to start the Wedding Reception.
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I’ll say what Kat said: Pay for the photographer and videographer even if your cousin is a superstar wedding photographer. Don’t have family and friends do it. I have no wedding video (because my family member “lost” it), and my wedding pictures are all candids. Kind of sad…wish I had done that differently,
Also, plan someone to give toasts. Don’t hope it will spontaneously happen.
The best weddings are the one with lots of drunk dancing. My pet peeve is when you need to wait an hour or so after the ceremony to eat/drink/dance because the wedding party has to go off and take pictures. Serve drinks early, get dinner rolling, start the dancing music mid-dinner. Who cares about dinner anyway? I’ve been to some weddings where the dancing is just about to start as people are getting up to leave. That’s my 2 cents. I think if the appetizers kept rolling out, a cocktail/appetizer wedding would be just fine. (Starting to sound like a real boozer…yup)
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Pet peeve: Not having assigned seating. You think you’re being all “generous” and encouraging “mingling” but it’s awkward when you don’t know that many people and have to search for seats that aren’t “saved” or wonder if you “rank” high enough to sit close to the bride & groom, or if grandma will be pissed…Just give me a place to sit and then I can stop worrying about it.
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I second many of recommendations already mentioned, especially having a “day-of” coordinator and having consumable favors. And while I happily ditched the bouquet and garter toss at my wedding, I am really glad we had a receiving line. The advice I most often give now is to really tap the experience of the professionals you hire – the manager of our wedding band and the events coordinator where we had the reception gave us great advice that resulted in a really great party.
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Dear pre-July 2nd, 2010 Janice,
Don’t leave Andy’s wedding suit in with the tailor on Thomas Street because it will get robbed by junkies stealing police uniforms. FACT.
Love,
Mrs. Janice
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Do what you want. Good food (not necessarily fancy food)and an open bar make for happy, celebratory guests.
I would also say pay as much as you can possibly afford for a wedding photographer. We got a “higher-end” photographer, but skipped the wedding album for just the digital files (he edited them and such). Later I was able to make an album on Shutterfly for a fraction of what the photographer would have charged me. And I got to include ALL the photos I wanted. This also worked great for parental gifts (we personalized theirs by including lots of pics of their friends and less of ours).
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fabulous advice! Maggie, I love hearing your take, and it is great to hear from so many others. I’m not married yet, but I am bookmarking this for the inevitable day when either my boyfriend or myself get up the gumption to go for it.
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Thank you so much for the advice! I just got engaged and I need permission to have our wedding be about us and not feel the need to do what everyone expects/wants.
I want more mighty wedding!
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My sister had the coolest wedding. She and K got married in a public park one evening, very small affair, just one attendant each (I was her maid of honor). Afterward, we adjourned to a nearby shelter in the same park where there was a fireplace. The reception dinner was was hotdogs roasted in the fireplace, a cake from the supermarket, and a lot of laughter.
The biggest laugh I remember from my own wedding planning was when Mom and I were looking at the big books of invitations at the stationery stores. We’d looked at bazillions because I was going to have lilies of the valley on my invitations OR DIE (ultimately found some). One day, though, as we were flipping through the religious-themed ones at yet another store, there was one with a cross, the iconic “P” above it, and a wedding ring under each arm of the cross. Mom just looked at it, then at me, and said, “POOT?” And that was the end of that day of shopping, and remains one of my favorite memories because we seldom crack up together but sure did that day.
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If you have an outdoor ceremony and invite more than a handful of guests, please use a sound system. Bonus points for microphones that filter wind noise. It may seem quiet in the woods, but cicadas and local traffic will drowned out your string quartet and only the first row will hear your vows. Everyone else will look strained and annoyed. I’ve seen this several times.
One of the best treats at a casual outdoor reception was a visit from the ice cream truck. Kids of all ages loved ordering whatever they wanted and it made a hot afternoon better.
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I hate it when you’re forced to sit down and make awkward conversation with people you don’t know. (Nice to make unawkward conversation). We got around this at our wedding by doing away with a served dinner altogether — we had passed hors d’oeuvres and stations, with some small tables and a few larger tables to sit at.
Also, if you’re a bride or groom, make time to talk to your guests. You have your wedding night (and the rest of your life) to moon over your new spouse, but you don’t get your friends and family together all that often.
If you can’t afford a full bar, go with champagne. It seems festive rather than skimpy, and you can usually return unopened bottles.
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Oh, and the other thing? If you have any kids at your wedding, give them disposable cameras. I still laugh at the multiple posed “wedding Barbie” pictures taken by the flower girl. Awesome.
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We did not toss anything at our wedding… no bouquets, no garters, no seeds…
I did do a Greek spin (hello I’m a left handed half Greek) on the bouquet toss. I wrote the names of my single lady friends on the soles of my shoes and the name that had worn off the most was the next in line to get married.
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