Not Even a Devo Hat

My Life

We have three costumes for Hank, none of which he will wear, because he does not like hats. Or tails. Or sleeves.

It’s perplexing, because he’s never resisted any of these things before. Clearly, he can sense how much Halloween means to me. How I will do anything, short of super-gluing ears to his head, to get him in a costume.

Every time I approach with some bedazzled, be-furred, or suspiciously stiff garment, he thrusts a tiny toddler hand in my face.

“No?” he says. “Bye, Mama! Bye-bye! No? NO? NOOOOOOOOoooooooo? “

And then he shakes his head vigorously and super-glue sprays everywhere. I will never get it out of the carpet.

As for that beguiling, “No?” Don’t let the question mark fool you, he will avenge himself on your offspring if you keep advancing with that cowboy hat. What kind of monster are you? The kind who’s comfortable with toddler vendettas, apparently.

“Kid! Don this elephant costume immediately. Do you hear me? Mommy wants to keep you up well past your bedtime and flood your system with high fructose corn syrup. Hold! Still!“

Eat your heart out, Dr. Spock.

Published

31 thoughts on “Not Even a Devo Hat”

  1. Ahhhh. I remember the year of three costumes that my son Jack picked out and then never wore. Then he insisted on wearing one of the too-small costumes the following year (Nothing like a high-water bear costume). Think of the dress-up chest you are building for him. Years of pretending. Just not on Halloween.

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  2. Well, that’s disappointing I’m sure. I can’t wait to dress my currently unborn child in hats. Hats with ears, big brims, tassles and poofs. Are you saying this stage won’t last more than 2 years?

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  3. Our 18 month old son was afraid of his costume (a lion) initially – we had to acclimitize him to it. We left it with his toys, and talked about it and petted it, and after a few days he was willing to touch it, and has now successfully worn it to 2 Halloween parties. You may not have enough time for this . . .

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  4. I don’t celebrate Halloween and the costumes when I was younger were a little too expensive for a normal outfit or not worth the money.

    I had like my Mum’s old jewellry and scarves and stuff like that for dressing up.

    I had my old bridesmaid dress that I wore for like every party until it was too small for me (I was bridesmaid at about age 3). Even then it lived in my wardrobe till I was 13 ish.

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  5. I feel your pain. I’ve got a three year old who, for the last year or so, obsessed over garages. I thought I was going to be the coolest mom ever and I made him a garage costume complete with an opening garage door. He wanted nothing to do with it. I sort of understood, it was big and bulky, so I got over it and took him to the store to buy a conventional costume. He picked out a character from The Incredibles. Now he wants nothing to do with that costume. I am ready to throw in the towel!

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  7. i love the image of hank denying his mama halloween satisfaction. we are dressing the twins in the simplest of costumes, a greaser and a soc, though they kinda look like a cholo and well, a greaser. white tshirts, jeans and khakis, jean jacket and cardigan, chucks and canvas slip ons (respectively), and lots of hair grease. let’s hope the 90s settle down round here so they can actually wear the jackets.

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  9. Can you get him in something long enough to let him look at himself in the mirror? That has worked for both of my kids, who fiercely deny all hats. Good luck!

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  10. our girl went through a massive pirate phase – everythign around her was pirates (she’s 2) so I made her a “pirate tu-tu” got her a super cute hat and sword off etsy and sewed (?) a little skull and cross bones on a tee shirt. She LOVED it ALL until a week ago. Now she has no intrest in pirates. and if anyone asks her if she’s dressing up she responds “I HAB TO WEAR’D CLOTHES! Mommy makes me” and if you ask her what’s she’s being for Halloween she says “NO! I Welly” (Lilly, her name) so, unfortunatly, I think I feel your pain.

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  11. I bribed my screaming three-year-old this morning … “You want to take a yogurt squeezer in the car to daycare?” Nods with glee. “OK, then you have to wear your super nice firefighter’s costume (that mommy went back to the store three times to try and find in your size, and now you consider EVIL).” Bribery — works every time.

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  14. I keep waiting for Declan to insist on some cheap store made costume, but every year he falls for us making some silly thing. Last year it was a turtle with a roasting pan. This year? Luxo the lamp from the Pixar logo.

    Send me luck.

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  15. My older girl had a hard time wearing any kind of costume. I really wanted her to use our vintage family witch cape when she was two, and she would have none of it.
    But guess who (I think!) is gonna wear it this year? Her two year old sister! She is much more game.

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  17. For the past 2 years we’ve gone through 2 costumes per year. The initial one that *I* suggested, that was toddler approved, and then the last minute one that Zoe *wanted* to wear.

    Have you tried putting YOUR costume on for him to see how FUN! it is? If you’re going to a party, maybe once he sees everyone else dressed up he’ll change his mind? Good luck.

    Isn’t it hard when they start having their OWN opinions?

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  18. Hee! How long until we get to see a video of you attempting to superglue elephant ears to Hank’s head?? I think I speak for us all when I say it would help my post-Halloween sugar hangover! 🙂

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  19. the last year I dressed Maddie up was when she was 3. In trying to get the (amazing) chicken costume I’d made for her out of feather boas on her body, I ended up gritting my teeth in the meanest way possible and forcing the stupid thing on her. Then driving to a party with everyone in the car crying.

    Halloween hasn’t been that much fun since.

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  20. My daughter Lil (6) has consistently refused to be something girly for Halloween- a princess? a fairy? a witch? No, nothing doing. This year she wanted to be scary – something undead. I wanted her to be something cute- a bee.

    We have reached the ultimate compromise. She will don the cute bee costume, but only if her face is painted as one of the undead. She will be . . . a Zom-bee. Can’t wait til next year.

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  22. I’m with Melissa – there is no way a kid is going to put on a damn costume if he doesn’t like the idea – particularly not one that involves hoods. And once he’s done it once, you can expect the same next year. Eventually he’ll twig to the costume=candy thing, but until then you might as well shovel water uphill. Equally frustrating, but lots less shriek-y.

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  23. Ahhh, takes me back to the good ole days. My daughter was all of four months old on her first Halloween, and I had the brilliant idea to dress her up as a bunch of grapes. She wore a dark purple long-sleeved onesie with itty bitty purple tights. I pinned little purple balloons all over her and attempted to keep a viny green beret on her head. I couldn’t understand why she was screaming as we strolled the neighborhood.

    Things got much easier once she realized there was sugar involved.

    So. Good luck with that.

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  24. My mom, being creative and handy as hell with a sewing machine, made our outfits. My favorite one was a fairy princess. She came up with a leotard and a tutu, and made a tiara and a magic wand out of cardboard and aluminum foil. Then she wisely took a picture BEFORE we headed out the door.

    There was also a year, maybe even before the tin foil princess, when a pillowcase was sacrificed so I could go as a ghost. And another time I was a hobo, with the help of Mom’s application of makeup for a beard stubble since, being a tiny girl kid, I was unable to produce that part of the costume myself.

    I do remember that I always hated the plastic masks that came with “store-bought” costumes, with slits for eyes and for you to breathe through, and an elastic band to hold them on. They get steamy with your breath in there and just… yuck.

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  26. It’s all part of the love and hate phases. The love/hate hat phase, the love/hate car seat phase…All this love and hate is so exhausting that I have blocked it out and can’t keep up to date anymore. It’s like living with a drunken drama queen with a very high squeaky voice. Or my old college roomate.

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  27. Oh, the question-marked no. How prevalently and sadly it has infiltrated my household.

    The genius who designed my kid’s ladybug costume didn’t include any means to attach the hat. Yeah, she was out of that thing within nanoseconds.

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  29. A father has demanded an apology from police after he was arrested and locked in a cell overnight for smacking his son’s leg. Mark Frearson said he told off his son Harry because the seven-year-old walked off alone after dark

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