Us = Going To HEll

My Life

Bryan: (Bouncing the baby, singing a Doors tune) C’mon c’mon touch me babe!
Me: (Grimace)
Bryan: What?
Me: Nothing, I just thought you were singing a sweet song to the baby, and then it turned vaguely pedophile.
Bryan: (Singing to the same tune.) There are puppies in my van, let’s play!
Me: (doubled over laughing) Gah! Stop!
Bryan: Your mommy said it was OK!

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21 thoughts on “Us = Going To HEll”

  2. It’s good to know there are more dads singing twisted lyrics to their young. I did it to mine, he’s 21 now & doesn’t appear to have any residual side effects…I hope

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  4. My fiance’s dad apparently had him singing “Paint It Black” by the time he was five. Gave the kindergarten teachers something to be concerned about.

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  5. Ok, now I have to delurk. Because you guys? Are us. We have a 6 month old daughter, Anna, and she’s teething. One day I caught hubs singing to her, to the tune of Aerosmith’s “Janie’s Got A Gun”,

    Anna’s got sore gums
    Anna’s got sore gums
    And a rashy on her bum
    Anna’s got sore gums

    Toothies are a comin’ throooughhh
    But you ned them to eat and chewwwww

    She’s just a little bitty baby
    But teething pain makes her insaaane!
    But man those teeth are comin’ and now Anna’s got sore gums and
    she aint never gonna be the saaaaaaaaaaammeee….

    And then I reminded him what the REAL LYRICS WERE ABOUT, DUMBASS.

    He’s like – Oh right, highly inappropriate.

    Then he started to sing to the tune of Ragdoll. Me: Um, honey, isn’t that the song that says, ‘Hot tramp, daddy’s little cutie?’

    He’s like – Oh right, highly inappropriate.

    Must teach him the correct words to Itsy Bitsy Spider and the suchlike.

    Although I did have a great song about changing diapers to the tune of “My Humps” one day.

    Anyway, sorry for being such a lurker, I highly enjoy your blog and many congrats on the birth of your son. 😀

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  6. Bossy also used to insert her own words to once popular pop songs – transforming them to ‘poop’ songs, really. For instance Paul McCartney’s “Ballroom Dancing” became “She’s Not Poopy” — proving once and finally that everything can be reduced to shite.

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  10. My dad and I were in the car once and the song “Hot for Teacher” came on. He paused from his conversation and said, “You know, when you were a baby I would dance around with you and sing you this song. . . Looking back, that’s kind of wierd, huh?”

    My mom’s brothers were pretty young when I was born (late teens/early twenties) and would teach me all kinds of things…to “pick” my nose when I posed for a picture…to sing Pink Floyd’s “Nobody Home” and I remember them pausing (and laughing…i didn’t know why! i was only 4 or 5!) when it got to the line about “13 channels of shit on the tv to choose from.”

    After writing this…I can’t wait to have kids.

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  11. I am forever changing the lyrics to songs — and now I do it for my toddler… Most recently, I have started singing: “Stand up, baby stand up… Give me your arms, baby… Give me your arms, baby, baby”… (to get him to stand up after a diaper change)

    Now, when I even just speak and ask my son to stand up he starts singing: “Stand up, baby, stand up”… So cute!

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  12. Just this morning, Declan was listening to “She’ll be coming ’round the mountain” – when the scamp was out of earshot my Bryan turned it into a much more, um, risqué version. It never ends! LOL!

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  14. I’ll just let you know… it doesn’t matter what you sing. If you stick to the “kid appropriate” it goes bad too. Zoe (my 21 month old) sings “Ring around the Rosie” and the way she pronounces the end is “i shit, i shit, all done. At least… that’s how it sounds to us when she sings it alone! She just thinks we’re laughing at her falling down.

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  15. My lil bro got my folks into trouble when they were called into school to discuss the fact that he was singing “ta ta ta ta ta touch me. I wanna feel diiiiirty!” from the Rocky Horror Show at four years old.

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  19. My partner danced and sang to “brickhouse” almost everyday of her pregnancy…and, at five, our son can GROOVE.

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  21. We have recently begun bathing our newborn while listening to Queen, and we always start with “We Will Rock You”, changing it to “We Will Wash You”.

    Right now, though, he’s resting comfortably while listening to Audioslave. And not quietly. Seems as if he got used to it in the womb.

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