Things That Happend at My Bachelorette

22nd September 2003

  • Had three seemingly innocent cocktails at the hotel. Noticed I was having trouble balancing. Turns out Vodka, Tequila, and Watermelon Schnapps (with a twist of lime) are pinkly delicious.
  • Almost climbed into a Toyota–occupied by a family of four–because I was under the mistaken impression that it was our cab.
  • Climbed into an actual cab with aforementioned Pink Terror cocktail in hand. This was less of a problem than you might expect, as the cab driver already had a bottle of beer in his cup holder.
  • Danced with another bachelorette’s giant inflatable penis.
  • Thanked my dear friends for not making me carry a giant inflatable penis.
  • Danced with a bridesmaid near a wall of cheering Latin gentlemen. When one of us tipped too far off vertical, said gentlemen caught us, tilted us upright, and resumed cheering.
  • Wore a pink, leopard-print G-string on my head.
  • Accidentally sprayed cherry-flavored whipped cream all over a friend’s blouse.
  • Assured my roommate that it was fine that she was making out with my high school sweetheart, who happened to be dressed as a very unattractive woman for the evening.