Jul 24 2013

Small Differences Between Barcelona and Home

- At the airport, there are defibrillators on the walls. Is this true at home, and I’ve just never noticed it? 
- Instead of sweeping, a woman drives a golf cart with a giant push broom attached to the front.

- The apartment keys are huge, like old-timey jail keys in a cartoon.
- My pillow case is open at either end, instead of being sewn shut on one side.
- In the shower, I have about four minutes to shave before the water goes icy and goose bumps make it impossible.

- The washing machine is tucked in a corner of the bathroom. It’s about the size of a mini-fridge, but a bit taller and slimmer.
- There’s no dryer, but a line outside on the balcony with a bucket of clips. I can see all of the neighbors’ clothes drying in the sun, and I study each article, trying to ascertain whether it’s indecent to hang my skivvies outdoors.

- There’s a Starbucks near the apartment where sugar seems to be the only element of your drink you can control. You have to ask for milk, and straws, and napkins.
- At casual restaurants some of the sugar packets are huge, which means there are small plastic spoons tucked inside.
- Coffee or tea comes with a little cookie.
- Soda often comes in bottles, and I’m continually surprised that my drink is empty because the bottles and cans are slightly heavier than at home.

- In restaurants, they charge your card at the tableside with handheld scanners. Presumably so the waiter never walks away with your credit information.
- If you don’t ask for it, no one will ever ever ever bring you the check.

As I mentioned, lights in public restrooms are often motion sensitive and rarely stay on long enough.

- Cab drivers know where to find most everything. I never once had someone get lost, or ask for directions to where I was going.
- Food is delivered on scooters, with warming boxes attached to the back that say “DOMINOS.”
- Olives are cured differently. They taste awful to me, almost like vomit, and the first time I taste them I am sure they’ve gone bad. The second and third times too.

- At the antique mall just outside town, there is a huge stall filled with nothing but fur coats, stoles, and other furry particulars. The abundance of animal pelts hanging on racks, pooling over chairs, lumped in baskets, seems improbable, and startles my Californian sensibilities.

- Kids here are welcome, just part of life — they’re everywhere, tearing around on bikes by themselves, having dinner with their families at late hours by our standards. Hank stays up until midnight eating, playing with us in the square, and no one bats an eye. This is perhaps because there are tourists everywhere with their equally jet lagged kids in tow. Regardless, it’s lovely.

If you liked this post, you might also like:
Small Differences between Puerto Rico and Home
Small Differences between Hawaii and Home
Small Differences between Buenos Aires and Home, Part I and Part II

I'm an ad.
Jul 22 2013

Dignity in Barcelona

You feel ill in a foreign country and fumble your way to a public restroom. You close the door, hook your purse on the back, and attend to the matter at hand. You are perched on the toilet in a large windowless room when the light blinks out.


Ah. Motion sensor.

You sigh. You wave your arms above your head with enough vigor to signal an airplane. Darkness. You crouch, and try again on a slightly higher plane, The electronic eye remains indifferent.

Your pants are around your ankles. The only potential light source is your cell phone, which is somewhere across the room. You find this inconvenient.

You settle in to think in the darkness. After a minute or so, the edges of the room begin to compress around you. Surely something nocturnal is crawling toward your ankles.

Enough. It is time to seek alternate accommodations more suited to the task at hand. You reach for the toilet paper roll. And, of course, it is empty.

If you like this post, you might also like:

Buenos Aires: Travel Tip
Oahu: I Didn’t Need That Toenail Anyway
The Bali Blogs

I'm an ad.
Jul 15 2013

American Theme Party in Paris

I finally make it home from Paris Bastille Day celebrations at 3 a.m., having been trapped in a huge crowd at the Eiffel tower.

I’m woken at 10 a.m. by vuvuzelas. The American bar across the street from my apartment is hosting an American theme party. I watch them out the window as they arrive and laugh at each other’s costumes. There’s a small group of men in overalls with no shirts, one of them is wearing a new Giants baseball cap — my home team. There is a single black man, he has a pick lodged in his hair. They scream and honk when cars drive by, the cars honk back. Everyone cheers. More men arrive in Hawaiian shirts and straw hats.

The women show up wearing workout sneakers, low-cut T-shirts and shorts, or shirts with slogans printed on them. They have fake tattoos drawn on their upper arms, large flower fascinators in their hair. All of them are carrying things — multiple plastic bags, huge purses, messenger bags with the straps worn cross body, and an inexplicable giant SpongeBob doll. Two more women arrive with huge cameras around their necks and begin snapping, so the Parisians gamely pose by removing cell phones from their bags and taking selfies.

Another car drives by and honks. They cheer.

A few hours later, the men begin to do push ups in the alley, sitting on each other’s backs. Then one of them overturns a keg and tries to run on top of it like it’s a barrel. While his friends hold him up on either side, they shout traditional American sayings like:

AH, fuck me!
That game was RIGGED!

They also imitate American tourists imitating French people:


There’s a detail out of place of course — every one of them is smoking. And smoking. And then having a cigarette afterward. I watch their increasingly athletic efforts until someone arrives with a bull horn. The noise grows frantic, and a man’s voice shouts “THREE, TWO, ONE!” The whole group takes off on a sprint around the block, kegs hefted over their heads.

It has been quite a while and they haven’t returned. I would assume they surrendered the effort, but that would be tasteless.

Viva la France.

I'm an ad.
Jul 11 2013

Blessed Among Maggies

Tapestry photo bomb. I’m doing some serious selfie work while I’m here in Paris, I feel like my skill set really took a leap at the Louvre. So much inspiration, you know?

I'm an ad.
Jul 11 2013

Go Travel: 10 Things To Do in Napa Valley

10 Things You Should Do in Napa Valley

10 Things You Should Do in Napa Valley

My dear friend Helen Jane was one of the first professional bloggers. She designed the web site right here, and she’s been living in Napa for nearly a decade. I’m always asking her where to go and what to do when friends are in town, so she wrote up a Go Travel for us on Napa Valley, California. Go have a look.

More From Go Travel:

See Brooklyn Like a Local
10 Things You Should Do In Jamaica
10 Things To Do In Chicago
10 Things To Do In San Francisco
10 Things To Experience In Los Angeles

I'm an ad.
Jul 3 2013

Je Ne Regrette Rien

Oh. Oh, no. I’m afraid of Paris, where I will be for long enough that I would starve if I tried to stay in my apartment without communicating in French. Oh, French people. Je suis désolé that my French is so terrible.

But! Maybe you’ve been to France. Have you? Tell me where I should go to test my sub-par linguistic skills.

Merci. Je suis tellement faim.

*Photo from Oh Happy Day where Jordan has the Paris Scoop.

I'm an ad.
Jul 2 2013

Don’t Judge

What. It was the only place to put my cava while I was in the bath.

I'm an ad.