During the two hours we meeted and greeted, Heather stood in these shoes:

In fact, she’d been wearing them since noon, when we left the hotel to present. She did not whine a single time, and only whimpered once.

So the next time you find yourself wondering why you can’t pay your mortgage with your Internet Website, don’t ask yourself where you’d find ten hours a day to take photos of suburban life, balance batteries on your dog’s head, and write detailed essays about Al Roker’s nipples. Ask yourself whether you’d be willing to stand in 5 inch heels for seven hours while greeting 200 people you don’t know.

Next time I present somewhere, I’m wearing 15″ lucite stilettos. I apologize in advance if my feet bleed on you.

I hate shoe shopping. I’m aware they can practically revoke your vagina for that, but it’s true. Anyway, though I don’t enjoy trying shoes on, I would like the following pairs of shoes to appear magically in my closet. For free, please.