My favorite thing about this video is how gobsmacked I look at the end of each section I complete. After the 50-second mark, it’s all celebratory improvisation, so please don’t blame Mr. Kloss for my lack of form.
Ready? Let’s do this thing:
Next time? Sparklers.
This is my tap dance teacher, John Kloss. Doesn’t he look hopeful? If you refuse to look hopeful while tap dancing, they pry the taps off your shoes, and point sternly at the studio door. Then they kick you on your way out.
See? Earnest! He’s a professional.
Anyway, Mr. Kloss is the founder of the Bay Area Tap Festival, and he teaches beginner drop-in classes on Wednesday nights at City Dance. I took one — it was the very first time I’d ever put on tap shoes. I quickly realized that I needed an accelerated course, because my plan was to re-launch Mighty Girl with a little tap routine. I had visions of sparklers! And a humorous, sequined tappy outfit!
In retrospect, my vision was overly ambitious (surprise), but Mr. Kloss graciously agreed to meet me on Sunday to teach me a routine. I then spent eleven hours practicing between Sunday and Tuesday. I lost like three pounds, and I’m also so sore I can’t hold the TV remote without whimpering.
Mr. Kloss had a very good sense of humor about my plan, and I did manage to record something on Tuesday. I am not wearing spandex (disappointment!), but I did get all the way through the routine without crying. I’ll post the video tomorrow, so you can enjoy my very stern tap face.
If you need me, I’ll be in an ice bath.
My body is attacking my teeth.
My teeth were just minding their own business, masticating, ripping open plastic packaging. Then my teeth glanced over at my immune system, and my immune system was all, “What are you staring at?” My teeth were like, “Nothing, man.” And BAM! My life is a Stephen King novella where I angered some mystic and now I’m paying in teeth.
It’s called dental resorption, and it’s pretty awesome, because it could strike me again at any time. The act of flossing has become a scene from some artsy Julianne Moore movie. Teeth are so terrifyingly symbolic.
Anyway, my outlook on this new development is surprisingly sunny, which seems slightly insane until you understand the context. So much good stuff is happening in my life right now that “immune system attacks teeth” is falling into the category of You Can’t Have Everything.
I can’t wait to tell you what’s been going on behind the curtain over here, you won’t be able to scrape your jaw off the floor. BUT! I’m not allowed to yet. Please check back next week. I have news.