Can’t you almost smell that color?

When I first saw a Mountain Rose Apple, my breath caught. It reminded me of a professor who said that one of the Impressionist painters — I think it was Matisse — brought an apple as a gift when he visited friends. And that’s exactly what these apples are, tokens of affection. The best way to bring something simple and sweet to someone you love.

Taste 1,000 fruits is part of my ongoing Life List project. If you’d like to make a Life List of your own, start with these 10 tips or this exercise.

If you find yourself in Petaluma, California, especially if it’s cold out, consider stopping for a drink at the Washoe House.

The place has been around since 1859, and used to be a stop on the stagecoach line. Patrons have been tacking dollar bills to the walls for decades, so the bars walls are almost ruffled. It looks like the world’s most expensive parade float turned inside out.

I can spend hours reading the notes on the bills over an Irish Coffee.

How about you? What would you add to a stranger’s road trip map?

Violins in the subway have always been a private pleasure. There’s something about the contrast of being so close to people you can smell the animal on them, and then the absolute civility of a string instrument. Those juxtapositions are the best thing about living in a city. They give you incentive to be grateful.

For years, I’ve wanted to give an extravagant tip to a violin-playing busker. I added it to my Life List and started plotting. I imagined standing out of view and handing small bills to other commuters, asking them to tip the busker on their way out of the station. I thought it would be fun to use two-dollar bills, so the busker would feel appreciated, but also know something was up. Of course, I wanted to film it for the site, so all of you could see it unfold, maybe take some photos of the violinist too.

I told Bryan about my plan a couple years ago, and he surprised me with a stack of crisp two-dollar bills from the bank. I started thinking more seriously about logistics. I’d need some friends — someone to film, someone to pass out bills while I took photos. We’d need to head out at rush hour so there were sufficient passersby to help us tip, and to provide cover. It might take a few days, because we’d have to ride the subway around in search of a violinist, and violinists are a little elusive in San Francisco. Maybe it would take a week.

You can see where I’m going. In my head I was taking a simple pleasure, a moment distinguished by its serendipity, and turning it into a three-person, week-long slog. The plan was pretty in theory, but it was built to surprise and delight everyone but me.

This past year I’ve had to put my Life List on hold, but a few weeks ago I happened to be on the subway by myself for the first time in a long while. I stepped onto the escalator, and listened with my heart in my mouth.

There he was.

So I wrote him a check.

And I dropped it in his violin case before I headed upstairs.

The Mighty Summit and Camp Mighty are coming up, both events we’ve built around the concept of Life Lists. It finally feels like the right time to get back in the game. So here goes.

Give $100 to a violin playing busker? Check.

Summer feels like unfurling a little bit. Dusting off the list.

What do you want to do with your summer?

It feels a little strange to write about this, because I’m hardly in a position to offer advice right now. Please think of this as something I’m sharing because it helped me sort the army of emotions advancing on my psyche. If you’re feeling equally defenseless in the face of something Big and Bad, or even if you’re just a little befuddled, I hope this will be useful.

Emotions First

When my best-laid plans for my family went awry, my impulse was to respond with a frenzy of planning, and list making, and goal setting.

Instead I napped and took too many baths. Sometimes I napped in the bathtub, which I recommend. Anyway, once I’d restocked enough energy to think about anything but impending doom, I thought now might be a reasonable time to reassess my priorities.

Fortunately, I came across a well-timed article by Martha Beck about using the emotions you’d like to experience to guide your goals (I think it’s the same one Lara mentioned in comments). You look at how you want to feel overall, and then choose activities that support those objectives. I thought it would be a smart organizing principle for deciding what to do next.

Three Steps

First, I needed to figure out how I wanted to feel besides “not like this.” So I did what the article suggested, and here’s how that process unfolded for me:

1. I made a list of all the things I’d like to feel that I’m not right now: content, rested, sane.

2. I decided the main thing I want is more peace, but that seemed too one dimensional, so I made a little outline of all the other emotions that define peace to me. Mine looked like this (forgive the inherent cheese, it’s the nature of the beast):

Peaceful:

Abundant
-Free
-Joyful
-Enthusiastic
-Celebratory

Connected
-Supported
-Loved
-Community

Present
-Aware
-Content
-Curious
-Amazement

Flexible
-Laid Back
-Well Rested

3. Next, for each emotion, I wrote down things that have evoked that feeling in the past. Holy hell, my friends. This was genuinely startling.

I realized how many things I genuinely love that I rarely do. For example, I thought about times I’d experienced joy, and I kept coming back to swimming. I particularly love swimming in natural bodies of water, and I almost never do it. This is ridiculous because we have a cabin a block from a river. Apparently I’ve been denying myself joy because it’s too much of a pain. Joy gets too much sand in the car.

I also realized how many mundane bits of happiness I needlessly deny myself. I used to love getting dressed in the morning, especially if I was feeling blue. Looking pulled together is like armor, it makes me feel so much more confident. Over the years, as my schedule has shifted to accommodate the people around me, I started to rush through grooming, to be stressed about how long it took. I stopped ironing, resisted the urge to change an outfit that wasn’t working. Getting ready in the morning became a chore, because I felt like everyone was waiting on me. Now when I feel time stress rising, I stop myself and think, “You enjoy this.” And I let my shoulders unhunch.

What’s Your Question?

The best thing about this process is that, for a while at least, it has given me a single question to ask myself about any decision in front of me. Will this make me feel more peaceful? If the answer is no, it’s off the list.

I need to make more time for water.

What’s the question you ask yourself before you make decisions? Or do you have another guiding principle for goal setting? I’m all ears.

We did it!

About a year ago, I added “Listen to 1,000 New Songs to my Life List, and started in. You guys sent me music, I listened to a lot of Pandora, and ten months later here we are. This project has enriched my life, so I’d like to do something on the site with music from now on, I’m just thinking about the best way to do it — please let me know if you have ideas in comments. For now, here’s a list of all my favorites over the past year.

These are my top ten:

1. All Summer from Best Coast, Kid Cudi and Vampire Weekend’s Rostam
2. Home from Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros
3. Hand Me Down from Visqueen
4. Invincible from OK Go
5. Dominos from The Big Pink
6. Like a G6 from Far East Movement
7. When the Night Comes from Dan Auerbach
8. Dirty Laundry from Bitter:Sweet
9. Make You Feel My Love cover from Adele
10. Those to Come from The Shins

And here are the rest of the songs I linked to over the course of the 1,000 Songs Project. I’ve bolded more favorites:

I and Love and You from The Avett Brothers
I Thought of You Last Night from Jeri Southern
Him from Lily Allen
Vanilla Twilight from Owl City
Listomania from Phoenix
La Alergía from Very Be Careful
The High Road from Danger Mouse and James Mercer on the Broken Bells Album
Young Forever from Jay-Z and Mr. Hudson
Hologram from Katie Herzig
Safety in Numbers from Stars of Track and Field
Horchata from Vampire Weekend
Book of Love cover from Nataly Dawn
Oh Yeah! from Housse De Racket
Boy (extended mix) from Book of Love
Pursuit of Happiness (Nightmare) from Kid Cudi, MGMT, and Ratatat
Two Weeks from Grizzly Bear
Undercover Martyn from Two Door Cinema Club
Brand New Shoes from She and Him
Let Me Down Easy from Bettye Lavette
San Francisco from Brett Dennen
5 More Minutes Please from Meghan Smith
Balloons from The Postmarks
French Navy from Camera Obscura
Away with Murder from Camera Obscura
How You Like Me Now from The Heavy
I Like You So Much Better When You’re Naked from Ida Maria
Meet Me In The City from The Black Keys
Runaway from the National
God Help the Girl from God Help the Girl
Do You Love Me from Amanda Jenssen
Destroy Everything You Touch from Ladytron
Idlewild from Julia Kent
You’re Not All That (Feat. Jessica Darling) from The Herbaliser
Ik wil alleen maar zwemmen from Spinvis
Not California from Hem
Ce Jeu from Yelle
Comme des Enfants from Couer de Pirate
Robots from Dan Mangan
Cavalier Eternal from Against Me!
Welcome Home from Radical Face
Summer Sun from Koop
Swim from Surfer Blood
Summertime from Josh Rouse
Catch the Sun from Doves
Sweet Disposition by Temper Trap
Know How by Kings of Convenience
The Great Escape from The Rifles
Call and Response from Or, the Whale
My Good Gal from Old Crow Medicine Show
Laundry Room from The Avett Brothers
White Winter Hymnal from Fleet Foxes
Steady Rollin’ from Two Gallants
No Ceiling from Eddie Vedder
So Bad from Arum Rae
Air Plane from Local Natives
You and I from Ingrid Michaelson
In My Cup from Richie Loops
Samson from Regina Spector
Le Moulin from Yann Tiersen
Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk from Rufus Wainwright
Rhythm of Love by Plain White T’s
I don’t know from Lisa Hannigan
There is a Light (but it’s not for everyone) from Rae Spoon
You Turned my Head Around from Dean & Britta
I Sing I Swim from Seabear
Quiet from Non Tiq
Don’t Save Me from Marit Larsen
Cry Me a River from Julie London
Bag of Hammers from Thao with the Get Down Stay Down
I know how you are going to die tonight. from Chris Bathgate
So Sleepy from Fiona Apple
God Loves You Micheal Chang from Dent May and His Magnificent Ukulele
Modern Man from Arcade Fire
Good Enough from Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
Come Alive from Janelle Monae
Shine On from Seth Bernard and Daisy May
There’s An Arc from Hey Rosetta!
Conversation 16 from The National
Summer Special from Land of Talk
Ambling Alp from Yeasayer
Trashcan from Delta Spirit
Don’t Bother Me from the Blakes
Dirty City from Kids and Animals
Roll Away Your Stone from Mumford and Sons
Nothing Else Matters covered by Lissie
The Start of Something from Voxtrot
Just Impolite from Plushgun
Help, I’m Alive from Metric
Lauren Marie from Girls
Fix Up, Look Sharp from Dizzee Rascal
Oh My God from Ida Maria
Lost Cause from Beck
Don’t Stop from Brazilian Girls
Wish Someone Would Care from Irma Thomas
The Garden from Mirah
The Weather from Built to Spill
Acts of Man from Midlake
Little Bit of Feel Good from Jamie Lidell
Such Great Heights cover from Iron and Wine
You’re Gonna Miss Me from Lulu and the Lampshades
Rolling in the Deep from Adele
Be My Thrill from The Weepies
Lover Gone from Peggy Sue and the Pirates
The Rhythm You Started from Sophie Madeleine
Clementine from Sarah Jaffe
One Day from Sharon Van Etten
Smoke a Little Smoke from Eric Church
Before I’m Old from Fictionist
Bullfighter Jacket from Miniature Tigers
Big Jet Plane from Angus and Julia Stone
Holding Us Back from Katie Herzig
Via Con Me from Paolo Conte
I Love You More Than You’ll Ever Know from Donny Hathaway
Two of Those Two from Maria Taylor
Doo Wah Doo from Kate Nash
That Day from The Villagers
Firework from Katy Perry
It All from Lou Rhodes
Capturing Moods from Rilo Kiley
Black and Yellow from Wiz Khalifa
Sugar from Dan Wilson

Thanks again for your emails, comments, and mixtapes over the course of the project. The CDs you’ve made me have been particularly touching. I like you.

And again, let me know if you have an idea of what you’d like to see in as a music feature on Mighty Girl from here on out.

This series was hard for me to write. The process was emotional, and made me feel pretty vulnerable, as you could probably tell from all the jokes.

As always, you’ve made this worth it. So many of you are reaching out to say you’ve had health issues too, that you’re trying acupuncture, or exercising for the first time, or just taking better care of yourself because of something you read here. And if I thought writing the posts was emotional, reading your comments, emails, and messages on Twitter has been a bit of a roller coaster. I want all of us well, and I’m thankful to play any role in that.

Checking this off seems profound and flip at the same time. It feels like saying I’ve achieved perfect health, but it’s more an expression of gratitude. I finally have systems in place to help me cope when things go awry. I don’t ignore what my body needs anymore, and I do things every day to take care of myself. That is such a dramatic shift from where I was a few years ago, it’s a little breathtaking to look back.

If you need to improve your health, here’s the whole health series at a go:

Part I: The Obstacles
Part II: Acupuncture
Part III: Teeth and Dental Issues
Part IV: Exercise
Part V: Diet and supplements

One thing we didn’t touch on much is stress. I’ve learned that stress is a huge trigger for my immune system to revolt, and the love and support of friends and community is as healing as anything else I’ve tried.

So thank you for loving up on me all these years, and please take good care of yourselves. I like having you around.

The Kids from B.o.B. featuring Janelle Monae
(Thanks, Rosecrans.)

It All from Lou Rhodes

Capturing Moods from Rilo Kiley

Black and Yellow from Wiz Khalifa (Thanks, Kelly.)

Sugar from Dan Wilson
(Thanks, Rachel.)

Still looking for more music? Here you go: Mixtape 1, Mixtape 2, Mixtape 3, Mixtape 4, Mixtape 5, Mixtape 6, Mixtape 7, Mixtape 8, Mixtape 9, Mixtape 10, Mixtape 11, Mixtape 12, Mixtape 13, Mixtape 14, Mixtape 15 , Mixtape 16 , Mixtape 17 , Mixtape 18, Mixtape 19, Mixtape 20, Mixtape 21, Mixtape 22, Mixtape 23, Mixtape 24, Mixtape 25, Mixtape 26, Mixtape 27, Mixtape 28, Mixtape 29

Let’s talk about the gym. Yes, let’s. Go get a pint of ice cream and meet me back here.

Now. Say you’re hurting and feeling fat. OK! Let’s put on some shorts and go somewhere public. Great. Are there lots of men here? Perfect. Now do something that makes you sweat. You’re all sweaty? Now stop, lay down on the floor, and contort yourself in ways so lewd you would blush to adopt similar positions while having actual intercourse. Great, great. See how every man in the room is openly gawking at you? Ignore that. Consult your copy of Kama Sutra and assume the next position in your floor mat routine.

So motivational, right? I know!

I Have Not, Historically, Enjoyed Exercise

Until the last six months or so, I’ve never understood people who like the gym. I mean I thought they were maybe a different species, in that I could never mate with one. When my weight, and later my health, made it necessary for me to get off the couch, I just… didn’t want to. It ran counter to my self image.

I did it anyway, but mostly whimpered while exercising and slept afterward. This is perhaps because my body was storing toxins in my muscles that were released when I moved in new ways. Or perhaps because I was weak like a hairless mewling kitten. Aside from acupuncture though, building the muscles around my joints has had the greatest impact on my day to day life. It mostly started with Tracy Andersen.

Exercise DVDs

If you don’t like the gym, but you can manage a bit of self discipline, I recommend exercise DVDs. I’ve come to love Tracy Andersen, despite the rocky start to our relationship:

“The next part of the abdominal series is the piking series,” Tracy Anderson says. What? Oh, it’s on Tracy Anderson. Through this section, I punish you by whimpering in disapproval. “This is the most difficult series for the abs” Tracy Anderson continues. I whack my right hand against a miniature xylophone, and glare at Tracy Anderson through narrowed eyes. Her tiny dancer body still fits entirely within my millimeter of vision. I stub my left toe on an abandoned Tonka truck. My millimeter of vision begins to swim.

Tracy is Gwenyth Paltrow’s trainer (free video clip). The videos are low impact, and really focus on strength:

I had resolved to try it for seven straight days, but by the second day I couldn’t rise from a reclined position. I also couldn’t hold my head upright, and my tongue felt all achy. I stopped after the second workout in self defense, but a strange thing happened, dear reader. As my stomach fibers began to recongeal, I could see a difference! After two workouts! Bryan concurs that I am not hallucinating.

After this year, I can make it through the post-partum DVD and her mat workout. That’s because last year I finally figured out how to convince myself to exercise regularly. Here’s how.

Self Discipline

As I mentioned above, exercise isn’t social for me; I prefer to keen on my hands and knees in the privacy of my own home. Also, getting to and from the gym eats up a lot of time. Unfortunately, the routine of the gym really helps me stick with regular exercise.

I desperately needed some self discipline, so last year I put a chart up on my wall — really it was just a small sheet of grid paper with a square for every day of the year. I decided I would move, at home, for 15 minutes each day and then check a box off when I did. I chose 15 minutes because it seemed like the bare minimum. Not doing it was the same as admitting I wasn’t willing to do anything at all.

The truth is, many days I’m not willing. On those days, I put a dot on the square I skip, and continue filling in boxes after it. Here’s my current chart, complete with typo, and a severe lack of motivation in the last few weeks:

But! I will eventually fill in all those dotted squares, I promise. Here’s the trick.

If I do an hour-long exercise DVD at home, which is what I often do, I get to check off three boxes — that day’s, plus two days I’ve skipped or two days I want to bank. That means, instead of punishing myself for skipping days, I just let myself make them up guilt free, as long as I do a few minutes more work than I’d have done otherwise. If I do an hour of something like walking, which doesn’t really get my heart rate up, I let myself check off two boxes.

Last year I went from sitting on the couch to working out about three times a week.

Results

Well, obviously I have muscles I didn’t have before. The first time I could hold a plank position for more than five seconds, I was completely shocked. That’s been the biggest surprise for me, the sense of accomplishment when I see evidence that I’m getting stronger.

As for the pain, exercise reminds my body that I need it, and so far my body is rising to the challenge. If I don’t exercise, my knees, hips, and shoulders start issuing death threats. If I do exercise, they stop complaining after a few workouts, which is a pretty good deal.

I had non-injury related surgery on my knee when I was 25, and the plan is to avoid doing that again. So I’m choosing to exercise in hopes of maintaining my ability to walk until I’m 100 or so. And if fifteen minutes a day keeps the wheelchair away, that’s some excellent motivation.

Next, we’ll talk about what I’ve been eating. In the meantime, I’d like to hear your tricks for convincing yourself to exercise.

Broken Headlights from Joey Ryan and Kenneth Pattengale
(Thanks, Danielle York!)

Washing Day from Amber Rubarth
(Danielle recommended this one too.)

Laura from Girls

California from Joey Ryan

Seven Nation Army cover from Ben l’Oncle Soul
(Thanks, Rosecrans.)

Still looking for more music? Here you go: Mixtape 1, Mixtape 2, Mixtape 3, Mixtape 4, Mixtape 5, Mixtape 6, Mixtape 7, Mixtape 8, Mixtape 9, Mixtape 10, Mixtape 11, Mixtape 12, Mixtape 13, Mixtape 14, Mixtape 15 , Mixtape 16 , Mixtape 17 , Mixtape 18, Mixtape 19, Mixtape 20, Mixtape 21, Mixtape 22, Mixtape 23, Mixtape 24, Mixtape 25, Mixtape 26, Mixtape 27, Mixtape 28