My good friend Josh Cagan was guest hosting the prompts on Plinky last week as part of the promotion for his new movie Bandslam. I’m getting to them a little late, but here’s the answer to my favorite one:

OH NO, IT’S A RUMBLE! Quick, put together your ideal gang of street toughs!

When I need to assemble a gang of street toughs, and I need to do it fast, I turn to professionals. As usual, Sean “P. Diddy” Combs has anticipated a market for frenzied, murderous song-and-dance crews, and has conveniently assembled Danity Kane.

These girls have it all — doe eyes, gams that go all the way up, and a volatile helping of latent rage. Plus, they already have matching silver-lamé cutout leotards. So, timesaver.

I know what you’re thinking; the ladies can’t exactly dance. But what they lack in dance talent, they make up for in heart. And the desire to bathe in your arterial blood.

1. Twitter.
2. Crowdsource a Costco takeover.
3. Secure entrances.
4. Neutralize Costco undead in increasingly cinematic ways, using only products at hand.
5. Clean off that food processor. We might want to use it later.
6. Set up Wifi.
7. Update Facebook status.
8. Organize a yoga class.

Remember when I told you about Plinky? Well, I’m writing this week’s Plinky questions, which makes me feel powerful beyond measure. Well, moderately powerful anyway. Do my bidding!

I’m posting a new question every day this week, so go have a look.

In the meantime, Plinky didn’t have space for one of the prompts I wrote, so I thought we could answer it here:

Hideous, no? Now choose. Show your work in comments.

So, last month, I had some surprising success with that video by Gwyneth Paltrow’s trainer, Tracy Anderson, and then I had emergency oral surgery. My mouth has finally stopped throbbing when I move (party at my place!), so I’m trying this again. I’ll start with five days now, five days after SxSW.

Day One report:

I move the coffee table and shove aside train sets, Hotwheels, Thomas DVD cases. Soon I have almost enough room to unroll a yoga mat and get to work.

“Now we’re going to start with your warmup,” Tracy Anderson says. My warmup skills are radiant. I’m a warmup Olympian, you guys. I’d post video, but I fear it would be too emotional for you.

“Now we’re warmed up, so we’re going to go on to abs,” she says. Abs! Yes! Let’s do this! I continue to dazzle through this section. I imagine wading into a mountain stream to wash the laundry against my abs. However, there’s a wooden train track digging into my shoulder, and the tiny little bit of searing pain starts to grate after three hours or so.

“OK, we’re going to continue on with our abs, but I want you to grab a weight this time,” Tracy Anderson says. OK. But… I think we just did abs, Tracy Anderson. You were right here, can’t you feel the burning? No? Oh.

Me neither.

“The next part of the abdominal series is the piking series,” Tracy Anderson says. What? Oh, it’s on Tracy Anderson. Through this section, I punish you by whimpering in disapproval. “This is the most difficult series for the abs” Tracy Anderson continues. I whack my right hand against a miniature xylophone, and glare at Tracy Anderson through narrowed eyes. Her tiny dancer body still fits entirely within my millimeter of vision. I stub my left toe on an abandoned Tonka truck. My millimeter of vision begins to swim.

“Now we’re going to move into challenging your abs in yet another way,” Tracy Anderson says. This is where I black out. There is a light, and I move toward it. There are apple fritters here.

You are a young man in love, and this morning you’re meeting a particular young girl for coffee. She’s lovely, and your elbow rests on the table, chin in hand, head cocked to the side. You are listening, really listening, and gazing upon her with admiration.

I know this scene is meant to warm my heart. You are oozing sentiment. In fact, your adoration seems calculated for public benefit. Look everybody! Now this is a Guy in Love!

I consider knocking your elbow out from under your chin, but instead do my best impersonation of a wistful smile. “Look at that,” I pretend to think. “Oh! How I do recall the days when my own love was budding and new.”

I’m sure I’ll see you around a few months hence, perhaps the day after you dump her via text message.