Ozzy is eight months old, and we take a Christmas bath in the deep tub at his grandparents’ house.
He is a slick terror, this wet, naked baby, excited about water. He arches back, takes a deep inhale of his bathwater, and comes up baffled. I am horrified, utterly responsible.
I dip my neck to level our faces. Ozzy coughs at me a few times, staring hard with red eyes. Then he turns away and resumes splashing.
I call at his dad with my heart in my mouth.
“Look up dry drowning.” I say.
“Dry drowning. It’s a thing. I am freaking out.”
Brad consults the appropriate search engine results, and assures me that dry drowning is very rare, and much more dramatic. Ozzy looks fine, he says.
Still. Do you see the feathers on his soft baby head? The way his neck bunches up on itself?
His skin, and his squeaks, and his fat splashing hands, have me praying the Parent Prayer Universal.
Keep breathing tiny baby. Keep breathing. Forever and ever, amen.
Hello there, 2016. You’re a big empty room with tall windows and a view of the water.
Let’s get some chairs and settle in. Resolved:
Eat in the bath.
A slice of rosemary lemon cake, olive oil popcorn, a bowl of spaghetti — before you bathe, make yourself a little snack. Everything tastes better when you’re naked. Tub eats! 2016.
Write and write and write and write.
It’s like talking, as much as you want, about whatever you want, but no one has to listen to you! Clickityclack! 2016
Be an activist.
So much dramatically bad cruft has been happening. Bluuuuuh. Broken jerks keep killing their wives and girlfriends; racist police are shooting black children; assholes with guns take aim in our schools, and movie theaters, and churches. Last year left me feeling weak. But I’m not helpless. I am strong and able, and I have been sitting on my dead ass eating tortilla chips. What the hell, me? Put on some pants. Change! 2016.
Have some tiny adventures.
Instead of doing that same thing, let’s do a different thing. Let’s go bake some tiny cakes, have a winter picnic and drink soup out of thermoses, turn off all the lights and light candles instead. This year, we’re gonna make some plans together, and those plans will be fun. Adventure! 2016.
Happy New Year, friends. Here’s to 2016, may good things rain gently upon your heads.
Do works about equality and social justice make you so sad and pissed off? It’s so hard to power through, and it’s all I can think about for weeks after. Still, this was worth reading. It’s always nice to have facts confirm your suspicions about weird elements of your life.
The best parts of Men Explain Things to Me by Rebecca Solnit:
“Women’s liberation has often been portrayed as a movement intent on encroaching upon or taking power and privilege away from men, as though in some dismal zero-sum game, only one gender at a time could be free and powerful.”
“Credibility is a basic survival tool.”
“A woman is beaten every nine seconds in the country. Just to be clear: not nine minutes, but nine seconds. It’s the number one cause of injury to American women…”
“In 1990, the Journal of the American Medical Association reported, ‘studies of the Surgeon General’s office reveal that domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of fifteen and forty-four, more common than automobile accidents, muggings, and cancer deaths combined.'”
“the confrontational confidence of the totally ignorant”
“Clearly the ready availability of guns is a huge problem in the United States, but despite this availability to everyone, murder is still a crime committed by men 90 percent of the time.”
“billions of women… being told that they are not reliable witnesses to their own lives”
Carbuncle a severe abscess or multiple boils in the skin, typically infected with staphylococcus bacteria.
Eve-teasing a euphemism used throughout South Asia for public sexual harassment or molestation (often known as “street harassment”) of women by men, where Eve alludes to the very first woman, according to the Biblical creation story.
antediluvian of or belonging to the time before the biblical Flood, or an idea that is ridiculously old fashioned.
Any other feminist works you’d recommend? I want an updated Backlash.
If you bought an Advent Grab Bag this year, thank you so much!
As you know, our plan was to donate 20 percent of the profit in hopes of providing two one-year scholarships for nurses training with IntraHealth International.
Thanks to you, we hit our goal and then some! In fact, we’re 20 percent over our goal, and we’re sending our donation to IntraHealth today. YEEEAAAH.
Thank you also for the notes, and Instagrams, and Facebooks about how much your love your kits. It makes us all smiley.
If you’d like to be notified via email when kits go on sale next year, you can sign up here. We won’t send you other stuff, just this: