It feels a little strange to write about this, because I’m hardly in a position to offer advice right now. Please think of this as something I’m sharing because it helped me sort the army of emotions advancing on my psyche. If you’re feeling equally defenseless in the face of something Big and Bad, or even if you’re just a little befuddled, I hope this will be useful.

Emotions First

When my best-laid plans for my family went awry, my impulse was to respond with a frenzy of planning, and list making, and goal setting.

Instead I napped and took too many baths. Sometimes I napped in the bathtub, which I recommend. Anyway, once I’d restocked enough energy to think about anything but impending doom, I thought now might be a reasonable time to reassess my priorities.

Fortunately, I came across a well-timed article by Martha Beck about using the emotions you’d like to experience to guide your goals (I think it’s the same one Lara mentioned in comments). You look at how you want to feel overall, and then choose activities that support those objectives. I thought it would be a smart organizing principle for deciding what to do next.

Three Steps

First, I needed to figure out how I wanted to feel besides “not like this.” So I did what the article suggested, and here’s how that process unfolded for me:

1. I made a list of all the things I’d like to feel that I’m not right now: content, rested, sane.

2. I decided the main thing I want is more peace, but that seemed too one dimensional, so I made a little outline of all the other emotions that define peace to me. Mine looked like this (forgive the inherent cheese, it’s the nature of the beast):

Peaceful:

Abundant
-Free
-Joyful
-Enthusiastic
-Celebratory

Connected
-Supported
-Loved
-Community

Present
-Aware
-Content
-Curious
-Amazement

Flexible
-Laid Back
-Well Rested

3. Next, for each emotion, I wrote down things that have evoked that feeling in the past. Holy hell, my friends. This was genuinely startling.

I realized how many things I genuinely love that I rarely do. For example, I thought about times I’d experienced joy, and I kept coming back to swimming. I particularly love swimming in natural bodies of water, and I almost never do it. This is ridiculous because we have a cabin a block from a river. Apparently I’ve been denying myself joy because it’s too much of a pain. Joy gets too much sand in the car.

I also realized how many mundane bits of happiness I needlessly deny myself. I used to love getting dressed in the morning, especially if I was feeling blue. Looking pulled together is like armor, it makes me feel so much more confident. Over the years, as my schedule has shifted to accommodate the people around me, I started to rush through grooming, to be stressed about how long it took. I stopped ironing, resisted the urge to change an outfit that wasn’t working. Getting ready in the morning became a chore, because I felt like everyone was waiting on me. Now when I feel time stress rising, I stop myself and think, “You enjoy this.” And I let my shoulders unhunch.

What’s Your Question?

The best thing about this process is that, for a while at least, it has given me a single question to ask myself about any decision in front of me. Will this make me feel more peaceful? If the answer is no, it’s off the list.

I need to make more time for water.

What’s the question you ask yourself before you make decisions? Or do you have another guiding principle for goal setting? I’m all ears.

We did it!

About a year ago, I added “Listen to 1,000 New Songs to my Life List, and started in. You guys sent me music, I listened to a lot of Pandora, and ten months later here we are. This project has enriched my life, so I’d like to do something on the site with music from now on, I’m just thinking about the best way to do it — please let me know if you have ideas in comments. For now, here’s a list of all my favorites over the past year.

These are my top ten:

1. All Summer from Best Coast, Kid Cudi and Vampire Weekend’s Rostam
2. Home from Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros
3. Hand Me Down from Visqueen
4. Invincible from OK Go
5. Dominos from The Big Pink
6. Like a G6 from Far East Movement
7. When the Night Comes from Dan Auerbach
8. Dirty Laundry from Bitter:Sweet
9. Make You Feel My Love cover from Adele
10. Those to Come from The Shins

And here are the rest of the songs I linked to over the course of the 1,000 Songs Project. I’ve bolded more favorites:

I and Love and You from The Avett Brothers
I Thought of You Last Night from Jeri Southern
Him from Lily Allen
Vanilla Twilight from Owl City
Listomania from Phoenix
La Alergía from Very Be Careful
The High Road from Danger Mouse and James Mercer on the Broken Bells Album
Young Forever from Jay-Z and Mr. Hudson
Hologram from Katie Herzig
Safety in Numbers from Stars of Track and Field
Horchata from Vampire Weekend
Book of Love cover from Nataly Dawn
Oh Yeah! from Housse De Racket
Boy (extended mix) from Book of Love
Pursuit of Happiness (Nightmare) from Kid Cudi, MGMT, and Ratatat
Two Weeks from Grizzly Bear
Undercover Martyn from Two Door Cinema Club
Brand New Shoes from She and Him
Let Me Down Easy from Bettye Lavette
San Francisco from Brett Dennen
5 More Minutes Please from Meghan Smith
Balloons from The Postmarks
French Navy from Camera Obscura
Away with Murder from Camera Obscura
How You Like Me Now from The Heavy
I Like You So Much Better When You’re Naked from Ida Maria
Meet Me In The City from The Black Keys
Runaway from the National
God Help the Girl from God Help the Girl
Do You Love Me from Amanda Jenssen
Destroy Everything You Touch from Ladytron
Idlewild from Julia Kent
You’re Not All That (Feat. Jessica Darling) from The Herbaliser
Ik wil alleen maar zwemmen from Spinvis
Not California from Hem
Ce Jeu from Yelle
Comme des Enfants from Couer de Pirate
Robots from Dan Mangan
Cavalier Eternal from Against Me!
Welcome Home from Radical Face
Summer Sun from Koop
Swim from Surfer Blood
Summertime from Josh Rouse
Catch the Sun from Doves
Sweet Disposition by Temper Trap
Know How by Kings of Convenience
The Great Escape from The Rifles
Call and Response from Or, the Whale
My Good Gal from Old Crow Medicine Show
Laundry Room from The Avett Brothers
White Winter Hymnal from Fleet Foxes
Steady Rollin’ from Two Gallants
No Ceiling from Eddie Vedder
So Bad from Arum Rae
Air Plane from Local Natives
You and I from Ingrid Michaelson
In My Cup from Richie Loops
Samson from Regina Spector
Le Moulin from Yann Tiersen
Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk from Rufus Wainwright
Rhythm of Love by Plain White T’s
I don’t know from Lisa Hannigan
There is a Light (but it’s not for everyone) from Rae Spoon
You Turned my Head Around from Dean & Britta
I Sing I Swim from Seabear
Quiet from Non Tiq
Don’t Save Me from Marit Larsen
Cry Me a River from Julie London
Bag of Hammers from Thao with the Get Down Stay Down
I know how you are going to die tonight. from Chris Bathgate
So Sleepy from Fiona Apple
God Loves You Micheal Chang from Dent May and His Magnificent Ukulele
Modern Man from Arcade Fire
Good Enough from Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
Come Alive from Janelle Monae
Shine On from Seth Bernard and Daisy May
There’s An Arc from Hey Rosetta!
Conversation 16 from The National
Summer Special from Land of Talk
Ambling Alp from Yeasayer
Trashcan from Delta Spirit
Don’t Bother Me from the Blakes
Dirty City from Kids and Animals
Roll Away Your Stone from Mumford and Sons
Nothing Else Matters covered by Lissie
The Start of Something from Voxtrot
Just Impolite from Plushgun
Help, I’m Alive from Metric
Lauren Marie from Girls
Fix Up, Look Sharp from Dizzee Rascal
Oh My God from Ida Maria
Lost Cause from Beck
Don’t Stop from Brazilian Girls
Wish Someone Would Care from Irma Thomas
The Garden from Mirah
The Weather from Built to Spill
Acts of Man from Midlake
Little Bit of Feel Good from Jamie Lidell
Such Great Heights cover from Iron and Wine
You’re Gonna Miss Me from Lulu and the Lampshades
Rolling in the Deep from Adele
Be My Thrill from The Weepies
Lover Gone from Peggy Sue and the Pirates
The Rhythm You Started from Sophie Madeleine
Clementine from Sarah Jaffe
One Day from Sharon Van Etten
Smoke a Little Smoke from Eric Church
Before I’m Old from Fictionist
Bullfighter Jacket from Miniature Tigers
Big Jet Plane from Angus and Julia Stone
Holding Us Back from Katie Herzig
Via Con Me from Paolo Conte
I Love You More Than You’ll Ever Know from Donny Hathaway
Two of Those Two from Maria Taylor
Doo Wah Doo from Kate Nash
That Day from The Villagers
Firework from Katy Perry
It All from Lou Rhodes
Capturing Moods from Rilo Kiley
Black and Yellow from Wiz Khalifa
Sugar from Dan Wilson

Thanks again for your emails, comments, and mixtapes over the course of the project. The CDs you’ve made me have been particularly touching. I like you.

And again, let me know if you have an idea of what you’d like to see in as a music feature on Mighty Girl from here on out.

This series was hard for me to write. The process was emotional, and made me feel pretty vulnerable, as you could probably tell from all the jokes.

As always, you’ve made this worth it. So many of you are reaching out to say you’ve had health issues too, that you’re trying acupuncture, or exercising for the first time, or just taking better care of yourself because of something you read here. And if I thought writing the posts was emotional, reading your comments, emails, and messages on Twitter has been a bit of a roller coaster. I want all of us well, and I’m thankful to play any role in that.

Checking this off seems profound and flip at the same time. It feels like saying I’ve achieved perfect health, but it’s more an expression of gratitude. I finally have systems in place to help me cope when things go awry. I don’t ignore what my body needs anymore, and I do things every day to take care of myself. That is such a dramatic shift from where I was a few years ago, it’s a little breathtaking to look back.

If you need to improve your health, here’s the whole health series at a go:

Part I: The Obstacles
Part II: Acupuncture
Part III: Teeth and Dental Issues
Part IV: Exercise
Part V: Diet and supplements

One thing we didn’t touch on much is stress. I’ve learned that stress is a huge trigger for my immune system to revolt, and the love and support of friends and community is as healing as anything else I’ve tried.

So thank you for loving up on me all these years, and please take good care of yourselves. I like having you around.

I’ve always wished I knew more about music, and this is part of my Life List project to listen to 1,000 new songs. Right now I’m up to 1,017 (so there’s a check off post in my future!), and on Fridays I share some of my new favorites. If you’d like to share some music with me, please link to your picks in comments, and I will listen to them.

The Kids from B.o.B. featuring Janelle Monae
(Thanks, Rosecrans.)

It All from Lou Rhodes

Capturing Moods from Rilo Kiley

Black and Yellow from Wiz Khalifa (Thanks, Kelly.)

Sugar from Dan Wilson
(Thanks, Rachel.)

Still looking for more music? Here you go: Mixtape 1, Mixtape 2, Mixtape 3, Mixtape 4, Mixtape 5, Mixtape 6, Mixtape 7, Mixtape 8, Mixtape 9, Mixtape 10, Mixtape 11, Mixtape 12, Mixtape 13, Mixtape 14, Mixtape 15 , Mixtape 16 , Mixtape 17 , Mixtape 18, Mixtape 19, Mixtape 20, Mixtape 21, Mixtape 22, Mixtape 23, Mixtape 24, Mixtape 25, Mixtape 26, Mixtape 27, Mixtape 28, Mixtape 29

Yep, we’re still talking about my health, so you might find someone else to stand next to at the cocktail party for a while. Getting healthy is on my life list, so here’s Part I: Ow My Everything Hurts, and Part II: Acupuncture is Not Scary, Part III: Dentists Are Kind of Scary, and Part IV: I Should Get Off the Couch. Please join us for this installment of “Oh, My Aching Back,” where we give up doughnuts, french fries, and hope.

I was blessed with a mother who told me my body was gorgeous until I believed her, plus a nutzo metabolism that kept my weight in check until I was about 19. So when I say my diet was poor until I was 25, I mean potato chips for breakfast, Top Ramen for lunch, and a sensible shake (plus Bacon Cheddar Burger with fries) for dinner.

When my metabolism finally wised up and started storing fat when I used heavy cream on my cereal, I was at a loss. I had to re-learn how to cook, but I had no grasp of nutrition. My first bit of education came before I knew I had health issues, when I finally went on a diet.

Understanding Nutritional Value

I gained about 15 pounds in college, which was no big deal because I looked like a pre-pubescent boy before that, and it was nice to finally have boobs. After college, I gained another ten pounds, cringed when I saw my upper arms in a photo from a friend’s wedding, and decided it was time to apply the brakes.

I tell you all this because Weight Watchers Online was my first education in eating well. If you’re not familiar with the program, they assign a point value to every item of food based on a formula that involves fiber, nutritional value, and so on.

At the time I knew things like donuts were bad for me, but I had no concept of how bad. I mean, it’s not like they were dusted with rat poison. But a filling, healthy meal on Weight Watchers at the time was about five points. A Dunkin’ Donuts doughnut? Eight Points. Starbucks doughnut? Twelve. As I logged my food for the day, it was a passive nutritional education. I now have a basic understanding of what’s bad for me, and what’s reprehensible.

I still use Weight Watchers whenever I need to lose weight, which is often because I need to stay slim to avoid taxing my joints unnecessarily. Yet another reason to overhaul my diet.

Eating Well

After dieting, I had a basic idea of how food worked, but I didn’t apply that knowledge except when I was trying to lose weight. As I mentioned, when my health tanked, I realized how bad things were because I tried the Quantum Wellness cleanse and felt amazing. Because I found that diet too restrictive to maintain, I needed a simpler way to eat better.

Everything I know about how my body interacts with food is from Dr. Oz’s You on Diet, which has specific recommendations for how to adopt a healthier diet overall.

Key points that stuck with me:

-I try not to keep food in my house if I know it’s hurting my body. If I want some potato chips, I can put on my sneakers and walk to the damn store.

-I avoid foods with any of the following in the first five ingredients of the label: 1. simple sugars 2. syrups 3. white flours 4. saturated fats 5. trans fat. Friends, unless you’re shopping at a seriously hippie store, this pretty much eliminates packaged food, which I found shocking. I won’t buy anything at all with high fructose corn syrup or trans fats, but after about a year with brown rice pasta, I just found it too difficult to give up regular pasta. Still, I eat maybe a quarter of the packaged food I used to. I just do the best I can.

-Standardize one or more of my meals. I pick a healthy breakfast (smoothie) or lunch (salad, turkey sandwich) and eat the same thing every day. Bam! Half my day is healthy by default.

-Trans fats are terrible for you not only because they’re extremely caloric. Your system doesn’t actually register them as food. So no matter how much you eat, your body never releases the chemicals that tell you you’re full. Yikes.

-I keep water in front of me all day long, and have a small dishes of nuts around so I can eat a few about twenty minutes before a meal. It triggers your body to release satiety chemicals, and most nuts are crazy good for you.

If you want a starting point, here’s Dr. Oz’s Ultimate Diet, which closely mirrors the book’s tenets on healthful eating. (If weight is your main health challenge, you’ll find specific weight management tips here.)

Vitamins and Supplements

By the time I started acupuncture, I was already taking a enough supplements and vitamins to stock a co-op. I’d been reading Kris Carr’s Crazy Sexy Life site, and I adopted lots of her recommendations (which I can’t find anywhere now, grr). As symptoms pop up, my acupuncturist suggests foods and supplements that can help, and they do.

My general rule for supplements is that I want my body to recognize them as food. I try not to swallow anything synthetic that my immune system may try to attack, so I look for vitamins made of whole foods. They’re more expensive, but I think of it like filling prescriptions.

Every morning I take a:

Women’s One Multivitamin
B-Complex – to battle stress hormones and boost immune function
Grape seed extract – to build artery walls and help with bruising, which works
Algae – recommended by my acupuncturist to “build blood”
L-Lysine – to keep cold sores at bay, and it’s incredibly effective
Calcium – suck it, osteoperosis
Vitamin E – for the heart and skin
Glucosamine Chondroitin – to build cartilidge

I also take acupuncture herb capsules for chronic knee and ankle pain. I take three at a time, three times a day in conjunction with the Glucosamine for my joints.

The herbs and Glucosamine have really worked miracles for me when I take them correctly. You’re supposed to take Glucosamine three times a day with food, which seemed so arduous. Then a few weeks ago I was having trouble walking and worried I might need another knee surgery. So I set three alarms on my phone and put some pills in my purse so I always had them with me. Such an easy solution, I feel stupid for waiting so long to just do it, and after just a week of taking my supplements the way I’m supposed to, my joints are functional again.

Three or four mornings a week, I also make a smoothie and add Flax Seed Oil for heart and brain function, a little ground flax seed for the same thing, and sometimes a little Psyllium Husk for fiber.

If you’re wondering what you should be taking, Dr. Oz’s vitamins and supplements chart is a useful resource. It’s comprehensive, so don’t let it overwhelm you; put together a routine based on where your health needs boosting.

At first, I felt weird about taking so many “pills.” I’m the kind of person who resists taking a Tylenol when i have a headache. But I’ve come to think of vitamins as food in condensed form. I’d rather take a handful of condensed food than have kale at every meal.

I bruise less easily, get fewer cold sores, have more energy, don’t really have issues with eczema any more, and have had surprising healing in my joints.

Questions

That’s about it. I’ve also been drinking only decaf coffee and tea aside from green tea, and I’m considering cutting out wheat again to see if it would dramatically effect my energy, but I’m taking it slowly. I also bought Jonathan Safran Foer’s Eating Animals, which I’ve been avoiding reading because of the moral quandry I know will ensue.

In general, I’m trying to give my body better building materials, and if you’ve read this far, you probably are too. So here’s what I want to know from you:

- How have you come by the knowledge you have about food? Reading suggestions?

- Would you consider making a non-temporary change in how you eat? Have you already?

- Do you take supplements or do they freak you out? Do you believe they work?

Oof. This has been a long haul, no? Thanks for sticking with me.