Every month, when I get my Esquire, I flip straight to the What I’ve Learned column. It’s my version of eating dessert first. In January they do an entire What I’ve Learned issue, and these are my favorite moments of insight from this year’s issue with links to the full interviews:

“Some people understand what it is to create something special, and others are thinking what they can get out of it.” -Al Pacino

“There was an incredible power that was against me. And that power, I hope I was able to use it to do something good. Power is power. It’s energy. And if you get big, big energy, you can use that in a good way.” -Yoko Ono

“People don’t remember who the critics were.” -Robert Redford

“Running from something and running to something are the same thing.”

“There’s always going to be someone smarter, prettier, nicer. It’s better to appreciate it instead of being threatened by it or defending yourself against it.” -Mary Louise Parker

I think you ought to treat your spouse like you treat your friends. You clean your house for your friends, you make sure they’re taken care of, and a spouse comes second. I think you oughtta treat him like a friend.” -Barbara Bush

My woman is smarter than me, stronger than me, and within six months would be just fine without me. A motherfucker’s got to pay attention to his relationship.” -Esquire reader, Russell Bryan Love

“I don’t look ahead. I’m right here with you. It’s a good way to be.”

“If you’re going to have kids, there’s only one way to go. They have to know they’re th emost important things in your life, and once you’re doing that, there’s no way that you could not learn from them, because they just give you stuff constantly.” -Danny DeVito

“I don’t want to impress people I wouldn’t cross the road to talk to. I want there to be a strict door policy at my club. I want to go, “You can’t come in. You won’t like this. And I don’t want you to like it.” -Ricky Gervais

“Could you imagine people eating a painting — if they could introduce a painting into their bodies? It’s probably the artist’s dream, and we have the opportunity to do so.”

“I dedicate more than double the time most people do. Thus, at the same level of talent, I have an advantage.” -Ferran Adrià

“In the history of the earth, there’s never been more people writing. Everyone’s a writer. Everybody spends time trying to let people know who they are. Twitter.” -James L. Brooks

Wow.

Internet, this is my own personal Rickroll.

There’s Nutella inside. Yeah there is.

So this is what happens when it rains. On the plus side, it lends verisimilitude to my rendition of “Love Bites.”

Hey, I forgot to tell you that Kelly and I tore it up at the Anthology Magazine launch party. For those of you raising an eyebrow at the idea of “tearing it up” at a party held in a West Elm store, I’ll have you know we bought the shit out of some stocking stuffers. Also, the DJ was amazing.

The magazine is also pretty amazing, so we thanked Anh-Minh and Meg for making a print pub to help us recover from the tragic loss of Domino and Blueprint. Then Holly and I took some photos in the photo booth.

In most of them we were mid sneeze, or inexplicably triple chinned, so these are the only ones I’m showing you. I have my pride.

Also, Holly said she would gut me if I let you see the rest of them. Although, she did say it with a British accent, which made it sound less like a threat and more like an invitation to some novel kind of sporting event where there are mallets and no one wears helmets.

After much merriment and squealing over one another’s outfits, we returned to the parking lot to find the Ghia dead, because I’d left the lights on.

This is a thing I do, by the way. I’m accustomed to driving a car with lights that switch off automagically, rendering me soft and stupid in the face of early ’70s technology. Which is to say, no technology whatsoever. Karmann Ghias are essentially blade-free lawnmowers with rearview mirrors.

Fortunately, Jordan and Rebecca were still around to give us a jump/mock us. So they followed us until we got over the bridge, and then Kelly and I had too many gimlets at the neighborhood bar, which is becoming a tradition with us.

In conclusion, good times.