This post is sponsored by Safeway stores-Safeway, Dominicks, Tom Thumb, Vons, Randalls. Tastier for the holidays!

I need recipe advice, Internet.

I love the idea of having a set of traditional recipes I make every year for Thanksgiving — the quintessential stuffing, the heart-attack mashed potatoes, the restful pie. I want a cute apron and a calm demeanor borne of certitude (and the glass of red wine I’m drinking while I cook). Unfortunately, I don’t have many recipes passed down the family tree.

But you there. In the apron, with the red-wine mustache. What do you make every year? Anything that’s…

• Super quick and still delicious? I am willing to add bacon to anything to make this happen.
• So perfect you don’t care how long it takes because in the end your guests want to dump the leftovers on the floor and roll around in them?
• Easy to make ahead so all your prep doesn’t land on the same day? I prefer to enjoy the party rather than play caterer.

I have collected a few irreproachable recipes for my arsenal. Let’s have an old-fashioned recipe swap. Was that ever a thing? Let’s say yes.

Here are mine:

Winter Vegetable Soup
You can make it up to a week ahead, and freeze it. The sweetness of the squash and apple are offset by the cayenne. The mild kick in the aftertaste is a nice surprise.

Bourbon Brined Turkey
OK, so the most intense part of the meal I have down. I cannot recommend this recipe enough. Simple, and a result that will have guests calling for years after to ask for the recipe every time they’re in the presence of a raw bird.

Cranberry Relish
So good, and ludicrously fast — the caveat being that you’ll need a food processor. Very fresh, but definitely not a cranberry sauce. Great accent for the rest of a holiday meal.

All right, your turn. Here’s what I still need:

• Stuffing
• Mashed potatoes
• Yam or sweet potatoes
• Gravy
• Something green – Brussels sprouts or green beans maybe
• An alternative main dish for vegetarians preferably vegans. (I’m not being twee here. This comes up almost every year.)
• Pies. For the love of all that is holy. Pies.

Open your recipe box unto me, that all of us may partake in your Thanksgiving bounty.

She said. Wholesomely.

Hank gave me this card for Mother’s Day last year, just before I overflowed and spilled all over the floor.

“Look, mama!” he said, oblivious to my ectoplasm pooling around his tiny sneakers. “It’s all your favorite things. Fireworks, and stars, and me! And this is what you always say to me, ‘You are perfect, Hank!'”

Oh. My friends, I had no idea I’d been saying it out loud. And yet, I could not deny it was true.

Camp Mighty is this weekend, and before we arrive, we’re raising $20,000 for charity: water. (We’re currently about $6,000 away.) The charity: water offices and half the staff are based in New York, so much of the staff was temporarily displaced by Hurricane Sandy, just as they’re trying to plan one of their largest fundraising events of the year.

Campers are doing all kinds of fund raising projects (more on that tomorrow), so here’s mine, inspired by a certain perfect five year old. I am auctioning:

20 PERSONAL LETTERS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
One to each of the highest donors here
with the notation “Maggie Mason finds me attractive.”
Donation minimum of $10

All the proceeds go to benefit charity: water and The American Red Cross Hurricane Sandy Relief.

To bid, donate $10 or more here with the notation “Maggie Mason finds me attractive.” If you’re one of the top 20 bidders, you win a custom letter to cheer you in the face of a seemingly insurmountable obstacle, or a note that outlines your intrinsic perfection. Stipulations:

• The letter may be for yourself or a as a gift to someone else.
• You may choose the subject of the letter.
• You may choose one phrase that must be incorporated therein and does not subject me to legally binding or illicit activities.

Or! You can leave me to my own devices. Please note, I am quite encouraging on the whole, and have years of experience in the field of championship.

If anyone bids a ludicrously generous amount (say above $100), I will also send you a small package of interesting items I no longer want, and descriptions of said items that make them seem more exciting. I will then briefly reconsider whether to dispense with these items, as they now seem more sentimental than they once did, but in the end will relent because I am grateful to you and value your generosity.

If you don’t want a letter or a box of unspecified objects, you can make a donation in any amount to the Go Mighty charity: water page (Leave my name in the comment field, please). If you’re broke, or just helpful, please include a link to this post on Twitter and Facebook with the hashtags #campmighty #charitywater. I’ll choose one of you at random, and send you a letter too.

Thanks, you guys. You are perfect.