Comments on: Divorce Field Guide: Best Advice http://mightygirl.com/2012/07/05/divorce-field-guide-best-advice/ Famous Among Dozens Thu, 23 May 2013 20:11:32 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.4.1 By: Katie http://mightygirl.com/2012/07/05/divorce-field-guide-best-advice/#comment-1246615 Katie Mon, 16 Jul 2012 17:40:32 +0000 http://mightygirl.com/?p=18470#comment-1246615 Haven't been here in a long time and just heard the news. The divorce advice above is priceless. I usually tell people to not settle, because you don't have to (and I'm now living proof!) It took me about two years to really settle into being divorced, and it was actually just recently when a friend told me I am so much happier these days, and seem much more relaxed/myself. It's a journey and it takes a while. Someday looking back, I hope you realize it was the best decision for you. It was an absolute gift for me. Hugs Haven’t been here in a long time and just heard the news. The divorce advice above is priceless. I usually tell people to not settle, because you don’t have to (and I’m now living proof!)

It took me about two years to really settle into being divorced, and it was actually just recently when a friend told me I am so much happier these days, and seem much more relaxed/myself. It’s a journey and it takes a while. Someday looking back, I hope you realize it was the best decision for you. It was an absolute gift for me.

Hugs

]]> By: Alison http://mightygirl.com/2012/07/05/divorce-field-guide-best-advice/#comment-1246325 Alison Wed, 11 Jul 2012 20:17:17 +0000 http://mightygirl.com/?p=18470#comment-1246325 When my five-year relationship ended, the best advice I got came from a friend who said grief was an oscillation. At the start, the waves are very high and very close together -- you can barely leave the house. But as time goes on, the waves get farther and farther apart. Viewing my grief as a wave that just had shifting patterns helped so much. It was like storm systems gathering and dumping so much rain, then passing so the sun could come out. As time went on, there was more and more sun, even when the occasional storms were very violent. This may be the nerdiest advice you'll read, but it worked for me. xo When my five-year relationship ended, the best advice I got came from a friend who said grief was an oscillation. At the start, the waves are very high and very close together — you can barely leave the house. But as time goes on, the waves get farther and farther apart.

Viewing my grief as a wave that just had shifting patterns helped so much. It was like storm systems gathering and dumping so much rain, then passing so the sun could come out. As time went on, there was more and more sun, even when the occasional storms were very violent.

This may be the nerdiest advice you’ll read, but it worked for me. xo

]]> By: Heather http://mightygirl.com/2012/07/05/divorce-field-guide-best-advice/#comment-1246276 Heather Tue, 10 Jul 2012 16:16:12 +0000 http://mightygirl.com/?p=18470#comment-1246276 First of all, I love when you write about your personal life and forging ahead when things are looking bleak. You do so beautifully. Second, while I am not going through a divorce (duh) I think all of these pieces of advice can be true for any separation. Right now I'm going through work separation and I need to realize that I deserve to be treated better, that things will get better and I shouldn't jump into something just because this part of my career is over. And as another commenter said: no one is going to help me through this. I need to be better about helping myself. I thank you, Maggie. First of all, I love when you write about your personal life and forging ahead when things are looking bleak. You do so beautifully.

Second, while I am not going through a divorce (duh) I think all of these pieces of advice can be true for any separation. Right now I’m going through work separation and I need to realize that I deserve to be treated better, that things will get better and I shouldn’t jump into something just because this part of my career is over. And as another commenter said: no one is going to help me through this. I need to be better about helping myself.

I thank you, Maggie.

]]> By: Asha Dornfest http://mightygirl.com/2012/07/05/divorce-field-guide-best-advice/#comment-1246275 Asha Dornfest Tue, 10 Jul 2012 15:42:35 +0000 http://mightygirl.com/?p=18470#comment-1246275 Just read this and "Divorce and Grief" and wow, Maggie. Not only do you write beautifully about the potential for transformation at the center of a trauma, your READERS are so wise and loving in their comments. No divorce in my life or future, but have had my own "transformational events" and I agree with everything people have said here...while I would never choose such a painful path, it has made me better, stronger, and happier. Helpful (if heartbreaking) as a parent...when we watch our own children go through hard times as well. Just read this and “Divorce and Grief” and wow, Maggie. Not only do you write beautifully about the potential for transformation at the center of a trauma, your READERS are so wise and loving in their comments. No divorce in my life or future, but have had my own “transformational events” and I agree with everything people have said here…while I would never choose such a painful path, it has made me better, stronger, and happier. Helpful (if heartbreaking) as a parent…when we watch our own children go through hard times as well.

]]> By: shelly http://mightygirl.com/2012/07/05/divorce-field-guide-best-advice/#comment-1246254 shelly Tue, 10 Jul 2012 05:58:42 +0000 http://mightygirl.com/?p=18470#comment-1246254 It is ok to be alone. I needed two years alone before I was ready to be with someone. You need to allow yourself time to greive. Today we expect people to 'get over it' to 'move on' . The victorians had a better grasp on things when they mandated a mourning period. A divorce is like a death. Give yourself a year of full mourning and a year of half mourning. It will pay off. Rushing into anything while.half healed doesnt work It is ok to be alone. I needed two years alone before I was ready to be with someone. You need to allow yourself time to greive. Today we expect people to ‘get over it’ to ‘move on’ . The victorians had a better grasp on things when they mandated a mourning period. A divorce is like a death. Give yourself a year of full mourning and a year of half mourning. It will pay off. Rushing into anything while.half healed doesnt work

]]> By: Cindy http://mightygirl.com/2012/07/05/divorce-field-guide-best-advice/#comment-1246211 Cindy Mon, 09 Jul 2012 18:51:25 +0000 http://mightygirl.com/?p=18470#comment-1246211 Be willing to forgive more than once for the exact same offense. Be willing to forgive more than once for the exact same offense.

]]> By: Kat http://mightygirl.com/2012/07/05/divorce-field-guide-best-advice/#comment-1246207 Kat Mon, 09 Jul 2012 17:39:23 +0000 http://mightygirl.com/?p=18470#comment-1246207 The best advice I was given, right after my ex-husband moved out, was from a friend who had been divorced before. He said, "You're going to be really uncompromising for a long time. It's going to be frustrating for partners you have after this." And he was right. I have a much harder time compromising on the things I want now, and it is frustrating for my partner at times. But knowing this about myself means that I can be kind and acknowledge it, and sometimes stop it in it's tracks when it's about something that isn't actually that important to me. Advice I would have given myself, especially in the very very beginning stages: be kind. Not just to yourself (which is INCREDIBLY important), but also to your former partner. My ex-husband and I are tentatively forming a friendship now, and some of the things that we said and did when we were being very mean are hard to get past. Even if you know that you never want to see them again, or they are being very mean, be kind. You will feel better about the way you handled it later if you are. The best advice I was given, right after my ex-husband moved out, was from a friend who had been divorced before. He said, “You’re going to be really uncompromising for a long time. It’s going to be frustrating for partners you have after this.” And he was right. I have a much harder time compromising on the things I want now, and it is frustrating for my partner at times. But knowing this about myself means that I can be kind and acknowledge it, and sometimes stop it in it’s tracks when it’s about something that isn’t actually that important to me.

Advice I would have given myself, especially in the very very beginning stages: be kind. Not just to yourself (which is INCREDIBLY important), but also to your former partner. My ex-husband and I are tentatively forming a friendship now, and some of the things that we said and did when we were being very mean are hard to get past. Even if you know that you never want to see them again, or they are being very mean, be kind. You will feel better about the way you handled it later if you are.

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