And now – I look back on it all and hold it as my K2 I never meant to climb. I am grateful for the life lessons learned. I am also on some level proud of myself for navigating though, for surviving.

And life is sweeter over here. You wrote of the maturity that came to you, and I can relate in my experience. And the pride I feel help me love myself a little more, be a little more confident in my abilities to navigate tough circumstances, hold good times and good people a little tighter, and gather more hope of the future – look how far Ive come! My imagination can even extend to what awesome things and opportunity the next eight years might yield. And yes, the knowledge that loneliness is indeed universal. It calms the anxiety that feeling can bring, and even offers new strength and ability for joy out of those very moments.

Your post here is beyond awesome. Thank you for sharing and giving space for this dialogue.

I know it isn’t right; her children were without their father. But I was so jealous that I lost friends, family couldn’t understand, and I felt alienated for the decision I felt best for me and my children.
She had half a million in insurance money and all the casseroles she could eat.

I say all of this with sarcasm. She and I had discussion about it — but I have never voiced it to others. She admits that as horrible as her husband’s death was, she sees how my “death” did not get the support. Well, except from her. She knew.

Now, four years later, it is much better and I feel myself again. You all will too.

When my husband suddenly died, I went through a period where I didn’t experience any joy. One day after a few months, I had an actual moment of joy! pure joy! but in that moment, I knew I was capable of experiencing it once again—so I tried with everything I had to create another moment of joy to go with the first one!Unbelievable! It worked.
When you find you have a moment or two of happiness/joy, keep it going as long as you can. The pain will inversely decrease as the joy increases… gradually you will have so much during the day, that the pain will be put in it’s place.
P.S. Going to the Greek Isles next month with my daughter— I loved your comments on Greece!

That being said, I felt like a new person (or rather, my old self) the moment we both agreed that our marriage was over. Our lives were headed in different directions and it felt so good not to worry about what I couldn’t control and I didn’t dread being responsible for someone else’s unhappiness.

We’re so much better as friends as we ever were married.

I agree that the grieving processes are similar. Not the loss, of course, but the process.

We should give ourselves a break when it comes to processing any kind of grief. I remember after I left my ten year relationship, I would just suddenly cry without warning, almost without any understanding that I was going to be crying at that moment. I let myself do that. My body seemed to need me to do that. I lived in the most comfortable clothing possible and didn’t sleep much. It took me five years to fully process all of it. For some of my friends, it took only a few years. It’s simply what’s right for you.

I think the mantra of “No judgment–Only patience” with oneself needs to be firmly in place in terms of grieving of this kind.

Too often we think that break-ups and divorce happen because we picked “the wrong person” or that we “grew apart”. But in reality, we didn’t change so much as we had different expectations that were deeply rooted, but weren’t apparent at first, second or third glance. Identifying and better understanding how to address those expectations really helped me to understand how I could prevent my next relationship from playing out in exactly the same way.

Imago therapy and the classic book “Getting the Love You Want” were really eye-opening and helpful towards better understanding the conditions that led to the divorce/break-up and how to better address those conditions when (and they will) come up in the context of the next relationship.