Lifelist: Learning to Scuba Dive
Things of which I have been afraid in the last few days:
Water filling my snorkel mask, and I drown.
Water somehow getting into my air tank, and then I drown.
Old-timey sailor sea-zombies pulling me to a watery grave.
I resurface too quickly and my lungs explode like a pair of mating puffer fish on a line.
Awestruck moments in the last few days:
I can breathe underwater.
Everything is so blue.
CHOOO-KAAAHH… CHOOO-KAAHH… This is what Darth Vader sounds like when he breathes under the motherf***ing water.
This is just like a flying dream.
I am a bionic turbo-mutant (half woman! half machine!) who defies the laws of physics with my awesome breathing powers!!
No one can reach me by phone.
So far, I’ve only practiced in the pool, but right now I’m on a flight to St. Lucia where I’m getting my Open Water Dive Certification for my birthday. I decided to get certified and take the trip about seven days ago, when a girlfriend said, “Do you want to go diving with me in St. Lucia?” And then I said, “Yes.”
For the record, I am also afraid of zombie sharks.