Mighty Life List
Aug 18 2010

Failing My Black Belt Test

Obi Belt

Does anyone else suck at wearing belts?

ASOS Square Buckle Skinny Boyfriend Belt

I must be missing the gene, because every time I try to add a belt to my outfit, it only seems to make things worse.

Super Wide Elastic Belt

Belt mastery is the highest form of fashion-fu.

30 Responses to “Failing My Black Belt Test”

  • Bachelor Girl Says:

    AH-greed. I suck at belt-wearing, but that first one makes me want to practice.

  • Nothing But Bonfires Says:

    I look horrible in belts. I know they’re supposed to give you a waist, but they only succeed in making me look matronly.

  • Stephanie Says:

    Yes, somehow they succeed in not only making me look matronly, but making me sweat around the middle so I feel matronly. Not hot.

    Well, hot. But, not hawt.

  • jen Says:

    I completely suck at belts. I know that they are supposed to do amazing things, but I can’t make them do those things. Somehow they make me feel less feminine (manly even) and that they are highlighting the fact that I don’t have a waist.

  • Megan Says:

    Agreed! Belts seem to accentuate my love handles without bringing any definition to my waist. I see girls wearing them and I think they’re so cute, but any time I try them on myself, it’s terrible!

  • Louise Says:

    Thrilled to hear someone else has this issue. I love belts, think they’re adorable, even OWN some, and yet, can’t ever leave the house comfortably with one on. (Unless it’s to hold my pants up.) I feel like a fashion failure.

  • Tina Says:

    Preachin to the choir. They either make my wobbly bits pudge out everywhere or they fall off. I just bought a new one from Ann Taylor Loft. I have no idea what to do with it.

  • Amanda Says:

    Thank god someone said it out loud. I cannot do belts. I have one dress that I purchased a wild purple and black dress that came with a belt. It was the hilt of matchy-matchy. One day out of sheer exasperation with the awfulness of the belt, I looped it with a string of costume beads of my grandmother’s. It was perfection. I have since lost the beads. Sigh.

  • Courtney Says:

    I think I’m just shaped “wrong” for belts. It makes me look so… weird! I don’t know why!

  • Shem Says:

    I know, I have the same problem. I’m lucky enough to be naturally slim, but belts just make my ass look enormous! However, this doesn’t seem to stop me buying them. It’s like I refuse to admit that I just can’t do belts, I have to believe that I simply haven’t found the right one yet. The search continues…

  • Emma Says:

    Is there some kind of evening class I can sign up to learn how to be the kind of woman who knows what to do with a a belt? There should be…

  • Caitlin Says:

    I agree with Tina – belts have a negative impact on my image and self-image. Altogether bad. What else to do? I might start using them to hold together groups of things – suitcases, books, cartons of soy milk. This could work.

  • Leslie Says:

    Yup. I fail hardcore at belts. And my waist is actually the smallest point of me, but they make me look like I have a beer gut. It’s sad, because I like them so much and I don’t know WHY they don’t like me back…

  • tasha Says:

    Amen to that! I thought I was the only one. Of course I have that friend who is the ultimate belt master..it just comes easy to her.

  • Sromeo Says:

    So bad at belts. Last night I picked up three to try on and when I got to the dressing room I didn’t even bother.

  • Hope Says:

    This post makes me feel profound relief. I thought I was all alone. Belts either push my belly fat up or down – either way it’s ugly. I love the idea of belts but, sigh, don’t think we’re meant to be.

  • Pinkie Bling Says:

    Love them in theory, LOATHE them in practice. The belt is a lie!!

  • Jamie Says:

    I am not belt-enabled. They do amazing things for my body, but I always feel like a complete goober.

  • Miss Britt Says:

    See also: scarves

  • katrina Says:

    Belts tie shapeless outfits together and make you look slimmer and so much more pulled together. Come to the belt side, we have curves.
    Check out the super-smart ladies over at academichic (http://www.academichic.com/)- they have inspired me to add belts to so many more of my outfits. I wear them 5-6 days of the week now! So many creative ideas there.

  • Louise Says:

    I have a beautiful Japanese obi style belt that a close friend gave me years ago. It hangs in my closet, taunting me. The beautiful, intricate fabric deserves a relatively blank canvas to shine against, but I just can never tie it properly, of find the right combination (top and skirt, dress?) to wear it with. Sigh.

  • Ariel Says:

    I cannot do belts. I’m short, and hippy and assy.
    Belt around hips? HUGER HIPS. Not good. Belt around waist? Goodbye waist.

  • kristen Says:

    I’m with Ariel. Belts are very hard to do if you’re short and curvy with a short torso. They bring too much attention to all the wrong things, particularly the lack of space between the bottom of the boobs and the top of everything else.

  • HG Says:

    You and me both, sister. Though I suck at accessorizing in general too.

  • Meg Says:

    I actually DO have the figure for belts, and I’m still at a loss.

    Once in a while I make them look good with the outfit, but then so often I have this problem: skirt, top, belt in middle. Belt spends the day sootching, untucking top, makeing me look like a disaster.

    THOUGH! I got a leather wrap belt in Italy. Awesome. No scootching, and as long as it’s a once peice dress or somthing? Raddddd.

  • Jet Harrington Says:

    Ariel + Kristen, being tall and curvy and short-waisted does not make belt-wearing any easier. I gave up a long time ago.

    Maggie, I am sure that by fashion-fu you meant a delicious play on words for martial arts and such. I read it as Fashion-F-U (spelled out) and I think belts are the ultimate F U from fashion to me. I am chagrined.

    Scarves – on the other hand – I LOVE. Scarves have floaty movement, and bring the eye wherever they are (which is never around my hips or waist or thighs, dreams of being a belly-dancer notwithstanding). Scarves are a fashion-high-five.

  • Sara Says:

    Is that model at the top a Jedi?

  • Cori Says:

    I suck at belts and scarves and pretty much all accessories.

  • Holly Says:

    Thank you! I can’t do belts, have never done belts, for many of the reasons listed above. They make me feel masculine, or accentuate my tummy, or somehow shorten my torso. ugh. Can’t do. I thought it was just me. So nice to know I am not alone.

  • Rebecca Says:

    Me too! I can’t do them. My theory is because my waist is too short.