Hello! I’m back from New York, and I’m a little tired. In particular, I’m tired of wearing the same pair of shoes for five days. Which shoes, you ask? The suspense is killing you, Internet! Things we have to talk about once I’ve processed one thousand photos include:

-How to pack outfits for pouring rain, sun, and snow(?) in New York, all in a subway-friendly hiking backpack.
-Dara Torres who is incredibly gracious, even in front of people who will be writing about her later!
-More fruits! Some of them dubiously edible.
-Easter. How was yours? Mine was good.

So I guess we’ve technically taken care of Easter. But for the rest of it, let’s meet back here later.

I said something about no Irish in Oklahoma, originally uploaded by Sarah Brown.

That’s me and Zan, who sounds like a pterodactyl when she’s laughing uncontrollably.

FACT! Zan edits language courses, and says one of the most common mistakes is trying to teach people how to tell time before you’ve taught them numbers.

As you can see if you click through, Zan gamely took several photos for the faux porn sites we planned over the course of the evening.

oneshoe.com
Women standing around with a single shoe on, wondering aloud where their other shoe has gone.

superspecificporn.com/salsburysteak
superspecificporn.com/chickenpotpie
superspecificporn.com/beefpotpie
Hundreds of versions of the same photo of a girl in a short skirt, walking by a window. The man in the foreground is eating a different dinner in every photo.

steponmywhip.com
Girls. Standing on whips in street clothes.

There was also the relatively clean soundsyoumakeafterlaughing.com. Hundreds of recordings of people exhaling after they’ve had a good laugh.

Hooooooooooooooooooooo.

I’m in New York because Hewlett Packard graciously arranged for a few writers to meet Dara Torres. Which? Rad. Torres is a 41-year-old, five-time Olympic swimmer with nine medals, four of them gold. You may be familiar with her rippling abs?

Yeah, now you’re with me.

Anyway, I was reading through our info sheet and realized we get a few minutes alone with her to ask questions or whatnot. I’m pissed that I didn’t pack a swimsuit, or I would obviously challenge her to a dog paddling competition. So I’m asking you, team, what would you do with three minutes alone with Dara Torres?

Keep it clean, people.

I’m reading The Fruit Hunters, which is surprisingly fascinating. I’ve always been interested in fruit, but when this book pointed out that there were tens of thousands of varieties, I decided to add “Taste 1,000 fruits” to my life list. Isn’t that satisfyingly mythological?

A Thousand Nights of Sweetness
The Girl Who Tasted a Thousand Fruits
“Bring me one thousand fruits, and a toe from each of your virgins!”

Having grown up in California and traveled in Asia and Indonesia, I’ve already tasted a few hundred fruits (apple varieties alone will get you halfway there), but now I’m picking up interesting produce wherever I go.

These are Longan Berries, which I got on Clement St. in San Francisco. They’re native to Southern China, and are believed to help with relaxation.

They’re kind of like litchis. They have a thin, dry peel, and the interior has the texture of a peeled grape.

The taste is complex and sweet, a lot like a litchi. My friend gave a spot-on assessment of the lingering flavors when he said it reminded him of fresh paint, though not in an unpleasant way.

They’re called “dragon eyes” because, as you can see, they look like eyeballs.

There’s a lovely, smooth-shelled pit in the middle. According to Wikipedia, you can boil and eat the seeds, though I didn’t try that. I trust Wikipedia, but I’d be pissed if I accidentally poisoned myself on the word of some guy typing from his mom’s basement.

I packed for a week in a single hiking backpack. The willpower it took to bring only two pairs of shoes is on par with the strength I mustered to lose my baby weight.

On the way over to Alice’s, I felt like stopping people in the street and insisting they admire my packing skills, but everyone was busy smoking.