You, sir, are sporting oversized aviator sunglasses, and your shirt is unbuttoned to the middle of your chest. Your head is shaved. You are strutting backward up the street, your arm at a right angle to your body, as you point up the block, greeting someone you know.

That guy? The stranger in the distance? He is the man. “The man,” you would say, if he could hear you, but he is too far. Instead you point silently, profoundly. You point with emphasis.

…You are still doing this — still walking backward, pointing meaningfully at this person, who is no longer visible. The friend walking with you offers his feet an awkward smile, shakes his head.

Maybe the friend walking beside you has a girlfriend. And if he does, she wishes he would hang with you less.

This morning I used the last of some deodorant, and I felt victorious, like I had bested corporate forces that were waiting for me to buy another pack before it was time. I should have left this fateful stick in my gym locker, or dumped it from my bag in a hotel room, or found it dried and crunchy in a drawer crammed with confusing hair products.

For my next feat, I shall use the last of a bottle of honey before it becomes a bear-shaped crystaline brick, or perhaps consume an entire bag of ground-up coffee beans before they start tasting like dirt.

Then we’ll have a party. You bring the coffee.

Photographs of Gamers by Phillip Toledano, the same artist who did the series of vignettes by phone sex workers I mentioned a while ago.

You know how Olympic commentators tell you when someone doesn’t have their toes pointed quite right, or why a particular maneuver is impressive? You start to develop this quasi-expert knowledge of the sports you follow, which you then promptly forget for the next four years.

Wouldn’t it better to have commentators for more quotidian things? Things you could learn that would really have an impact on your quality of life? For example, we could each be assigned a commentator for our early twenties who would follow us around offering insight into our performances:

“This maneuver she’s attempting could be a bit psychologically tough on her, because throughout her dating career, she’s proven to be a nervous talker. Let’s see how she does…

Oh! Oh! Big-time overshare, Bob. That is devastating for her. Let me just explain what happened a bit here, her date did not need to know she’s still having drunken hookups with her ex. Wow! That was out of nowhere.

Whew. That is really gonna cost her.”

Click on any element of this periodic table, and it launches a short video about the element you’ve selected. I love that this exists. Phosphorus (P) is a good place to start.

Thanks, Kate Rutter!