Are you in Canada right now? OK, stay there for a minute. I’ll be right up.

I’m speaking at Vidfest with Heather Armstrong. (Whose name, incidentally, I can never type without thinking, “Arm strong, feel arm! Heather strong, like ox!” But I digress.)

It’s taken me thirty-two years to get up to Canada, and I cannot wait. Everyone tells me how gorgeous Vancouver is, and how no one locks their doors. As you might imagine, I’m excited to walk around trying all the doors and photographing what’s inside.

While we’re there, my very helpful husband Bryan, arranged a meet-and-greet for me and Heather, and you should come because I want to meet you. Also, if you have one of my books, I will write something nice inside.

When:
Friday night, May 23rd
5-7 p.m.

Where:
Dockside Brewing Company
behind the Granville Island Hotel
1253 Johnston Street
Granville Island, Vancouver B.C.V6h 3R9

(Google Map)

Please join us.

In other news, regular readers may remember that “Cross the Canadian border” is one of the items on my Mighty Life list (lower left sidebar if you haven’t seen it). The offer to speak at Vidfest was one of the slightly uncanny things that happened right after I posted the list. I’ll tell you about the rest of it later. In the meantime, if anyone has a boat that needs christening, you know who to call.

Recent titles for the finished section of my to-do list:

TASKS I SLAYED TODAY, BOO-YAH.
How DO I kick so much the ass?
Done. KEE-YAH!
BAM! I continue to dazzle.

Me: No. No. … No.
Bryan: But this is Batman vs. Dracula.
Me: No.
Bryan: Csssh! I can’t wait until Hank is old enough to get a vote.
Me: Hank only counts for a quarter vote.
Bryan: And so, it will always be 1.25 to 1.
Me: Shit, I suck at math.

I hate shoe shopping. I’m aware they can practically revoke your vagina for that, but it’s true. Anyway, though I don’t enjoy trying shoes on, I would like the following pairs of shoes to appear magically in my closet. For free, please.

Me: I took my shirt off in front of the neighbor.
Bryan: Explain that.
Me: I took my shirt off without realizing the shade was up, and there he was. I actually made eye contact with him. He got all flustered and looked away.
Bryan: Hot.
Me: No, I was wearing my indestructible white bra. I just dropped to my knees and crawled out of the room.
Bryan: Lame.
Me: I know.