OLD HABITS

Jul 25 2007

Me: You used my toothbrush.
Him: I did?
Me: Yes, you’ve done it three times this week.
Him: Oh.
Me: Mine is the blue one. Yours is the green one.
Him: Eh, it’s not like we’ve never made out. Same diff.
Me: Ugh! Uggggh. I’m not into finding my toothbrush mysteriously wet. Also, you don’t rinse off all the toothpaste and it’s gross. Also stop using my goddamn toothbrush, dude
Him: OK.

Two days later:

Me: You used my toothbrush again.
Him: Oh.
Me: Stop it.
Him: OK.

Three days later:

Me: Did you see I bought a purple toothbrush for me?
Him: I did!
Me: You are green! I am purple!
Him: I appreciate that.

A week later:

Me: AAAAHHHHHHHH!!! AHHHHHH! Stop using my toothbrush you big jerk! Stop it! Stop it!
Bryan: Shit.
Me: You just use whichever one is closest, don’t you?
Him: Yes.
Me: You don’t even check, do you?
Him: No.
Me: You’ve been doing this for several years and I’m just now noticing. Is that what’s going on here?
Him: Yes.
Me: Excuse me while I go scrape my tongue.

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There are 194 comments for this post.
  1. Comment by KA | July 25th, 2007 at 12:46 pm

    We have the exact same problem.
    The other day….
    Him: Which one is my toothbrush?
    Me: Gross! How long have you NOT known that?

  2. Comment by Jay | July 25th, 2007 at 12:57 pm

    I’m guilty of this as well, but can proudly say I always use my own toothbrush if I’m sick. Otherwise, whatever. Once you’ve had someone’s junk in your mouth, is there really reason to be fearful of their mouth germs?

  3. Comment by Whisper Mag | July 25th, 2007 at 1:02 pm

    oh….so true! Will they never learn!?

  4. Comment by Super Jen | July 25th, 2007 at 1:38 pm

    I laughed enough to snort a little. I think it was the “you big jerk” part that did it. I must do more research into the snort-insult link.

  5. Comment by Sasha | July 25th, 2007 at 1:44 pm

    Heh! Our version is, you put your razor right on top of my toothbrush, do you think I want to brush my teeth with bits of facial hair?!? My husband didn’t believe me that he did this until I hid his razor each time he did it.

  6. Comment by erika | July 25th, 2007 at 1:45 pm

    on the bright side — at least he brushes. so yay for being dentally responsible. maybe one day the hygienic etiquette will come…

  7. Comment by Phoenix | July 25th, 2007 at 2:06 pm

    Ewww gross.

    Do what my dentist does with pens, attach a large fake flower to it with duct tape. Or just hide it from him.

  8. Comment by Melissa | July 25th, 2007 at 2:06 pm

    Love is grand, isn’t it?

  9. Comment by steph | July 25th, 2007 at 2:11 pm

    oh my god I can totally sing a few bars of that song.

  10. Comment by sp | July 25th, 2007 at 2:14 pm

    yeah the bf doesnt understand why i won’t let him use my toothbrush…

  11. Comment by Amber | July 25th, 2007 at 2:19 pm

    Ha, my husband and I have exactly the same problem, only in reverse. He keeps on buying himself green toothbrushes, though. How can he not know that the green things in the house are always MINE?

  12. Comment by A Collection of Random Links that Make Me Laugh • librarygrrrl.net | July 25th, 2007 at 2:44 pm

    […] My toothbrush, your toothbrush. What’s so hard to understand about that? Maggie wishes Bryan would figure it out. […]

  13. Comment by Mau | July 25th, 2007 at 2:46 pm

    hehehe…

    That’s freakin’ awesome!!!!

  14. Comment by erin | July 25th, 2007 at 2:59 pm

    yeah, same thing in our house, but I’m the guilty one. We smooch all the time, so ya know…

  15. Comment by Brian | July 25th, 2007 at 3:57 pm

    Simple enough solution: Just make sure your toothbrush is always further away / less obvious than his.

    Oh, and: Ewww!

  16. Comment by Jan | July 25th, 2007 at 4:38 pm

    All previously mentioned logical why-not posts to the contrary, I must stand firm in my position: EW.

    Would he react at all, do you think, if HIS toothbrush was wet with mystery when he picked it up? You wouldn’t have to use it, just run it under the tap. You’d at least find out whether or not it grosses him out. Not sure why/whether that would be good to know, though.

  17. Comment by Taste Like Crazy | July 25th, 2007 at 5:10 pm

    Since the color coding thing obviously isn’t working, I think you’re going to have to take drastic action.

    I say get a Sonicare toothbrush and then he will have NO excuse. It will be abundantly clear that he’s grabbed the wrong one.

    If he does it after that then you will be well within your rights to punch him in the ear.

  18. Comment by samantha jo campen | July 25th, 2007 at 5:15 pm

    I have no tolerance for anything like this AT ALL. Actually, the thought of all this going on across the country makes me want to puke. Making-out is different than bristles that scrape plaque off of tooth enamel.

    Maggie, I am so sorry for you! Buy a VioLight toothbrush sanitizer. Maybe that will kill all the germ-switching grossness.

  19. Comment by tiff | July 25th, 2007 at 5:28 pm

    Wow -
    so funny and yet so wrong.

  20. Comment by cbl | July 25th, 2007 at 6:19 pm

    Just wait till the baby starts brushing his teeth. At my house there are 3 people who think my toothbrush can just be used by anyone. What in the hell do they do with their own toothbrushes?? I buy them. Probably one ever time mine is “YUCK” wet. Somewhere, with all the missing socks, is a pile of barely used toothbrushes.

  21. Comment by maria | July 25th, 2007 at 6:29 pm

    I feel so much better now! I am so guilty of using my husbands toothbrush. We even bought the travel VioLight toothbrush sanitizers so our brushes are in different containers…and I’ve still been caught using his brush instead of mine. I know its gross, but I can’t seem to stop myself.

  22. Comment by aimee/greeblemonkey | July 25th, 2007 at 6:33 pm

    ha ha. Bryan and I regularly confuse each others toothbrushes. I have gotten so used to it I have forgotten to care.

  23. Comment by Julia | July 25th, 2007 at 7:37 pm

    I hide my toothbrush. my husband will use anyone’s toothbrush AND drink out of anyone’s glass. I have my toothbrush in a holder in the back of a drawer.

  24. Comment by karen | July 25th, 2007 at 9:37 pm

    Mine does this with bath towels. So I put my bath towel too far from the shower for him to reach.

  25. Comment by Yolanda | July 25th, 2007 at 10:22 pm

    Oh. My. God.

    That conversation was recorded at my house. almost word for word. Even the blue versus green toothbrush. Even replacing it with a purple one. Who knew this happened in other houses?

  26. Comment by Andrea | July 26th, 2007 at 5:30 am

    I am totally the guilty one in the toothbrush wars. According to my husband, I am an aggressive tooth brusher and when I use his toothbrush, the bristles become “all mangled”. Hey! I like my teeth very very clean!

  27. Comment by nezzy | July 26th, 2007 at 6:50 am

    hmmm, I must be the pefect man because I never let ANYONE but me use my toothbrush. Well, not that anyone is asking to use it…

    But my first thought was “maybe he’s color blind and he can’t tell which one is the green one”.

  28. Comment by nezzy....again | July 26th, 2007 at 6:52 am

    uh-huh - that word is “perfect”. I am not.

  29. Comment by Kristyn | July 26th, 2007 at 7:44 am

    I taped a note up on the inside of our medicine cabinet that said:
    YOU=BLUE
    ME=GREEN

  30. Comment by Molly | July 26th, 2007 at 9:01 am

    Stick a tampon applicator on the handle of yours. That’s a big sign that would say CLEARLY, THIS IS MINE.

  31. Comment by Amber | July 26th, 2007 at 9:08 am

    My boyfriend and I have this same problem! Except it’s even worse because he apparetnly likes to gnaw while he brushes. I discovered his toothbrush transgressions when a brand new brush of mine suddenly got all frayed around the edges. Ugh.

  32. Comment by r@d@r | July 26th, 2007 at 9:41 am

    recently i was suspicious that my wife had been using my toothbrush to scrub those hard-to-reach spots around the baseboards, the base of the toilet, etc. she pleads innocence, but i’m watching her like a hawk.

  33. Comment by Michelle | July 26th, 2007 at 10:03 am

    I am not generally grossed out by toothbrush sharing when I’m aware of it - I’ve even been on vacation with my best friend and we had to share razors, soap, toothbrush and deodorant.

    BUT what drives me batshit insane is when my husband uses my tweezers to dig things out of his nose and leaves them there with… stuff dried on them. It makes me want to kill him in his sleep.

  34. Comment by JewJewBee | July 26th, 2007 at 10:29 am

    It’s really funny to see that some people actually have a problem sharing a toothbrush with a spouse… My husband and I actually bring only one toothbrush in our toiletry bag when we travel together (to save room for other “necessities” like the makeup I rarely wear)!

  35. Comment by Charise | July 26th, 2007 at 11:47 am

    We have this problem too. My fiance says its not a big deal because we have our tongues in each other’s mouths all the time anyways. It doesn’t gross me out, it’s just that he absolutely destroys his brushes and that irritates me.

    Also, he’s prone to “borrowing” my deodorant and shave gel when he’s out, for weeks at a time, until I go to use it one morning and have no more left. More than once I’ve had to run to the store on my way to work and put deodorant on in the car. And pick up more for him too, of course! Boys, grrr!

  36. Comment by HappyDash.com | July 26th, 2007 at 12:52 pm

    Why is my towel damp?…

    Oh Jesus. In my house it’s the pre-moistened towels. Gross.
    ……

  37. Comment by Matthew | July 26th, 2007 at 12:55 pm

    Just buy him this and he’ll never stray again.

  38. Comment by me | July 26th, 2007 at 1:42 pm

    I’m so glad we have separate bathrooms

  39. Comment by HDC | July 26th, 2007 at 7:51 pm

    Ahh marriage.

    I have sufficiently trained my guy to stop doing this (threats of physical violence didn’t work. I’ll let you guess what did). My next step was cutting half the handle off on his brush with my Dremel. After that it was keeping my brush soaking in rubbing alcohol as he’s too lazy to bother rinsing it off.

  40. Comment by Giggloki | July 29th, 2007 at 10:43 am

    While using my toothbrush is not a deal breaker, it is just cause for some serious messing with the significant others life. What? You can’t find your keys, no honey, haven’t a clue where they could be.

  41. Comment by Falco98 | July 29th, 2007 at 4:17 pm

    Reminds me of me and my ex, but gender-reversed.

    Me: The dog got in the trash because you left the trash bag sitting in the kitchen. Maybe next time you should shut it in the laundry room if you’re not taking it out right away.
    Her: Ok whatever.

    1 week later…
    Me: the dog got in the trash again.
    Her: so?
    Me: you didn’t put it anywhere out of her reach….
    Her: so?
    Me: sigh *picks up trash* put it in the laundry room next time, ok?

    2 weeks later:
    Me: the dog got in the trash again. Did you leave it out in the open again?
    Her: i don’t know?

    *HEADDESK*

    FWIW, i always use my own toothbrush :-P

  42. Comment by Erica C. | July 30th, 2007 at 6:22 am

    That was hilarious! Thanks for the laugh.

  43. Comment by Expat Mom | July 31st, 2007 at 11:52 am

    I just read this post to my hubby and he said, “Well, sounds like you´re lucky, I have never used your toothbrush.” HUH????

    We have had this problem since we started living together! I guess he hasn´t noticed that I hide my toothbrush. And my son is rapidly picking up his father´s bad habits. We need invisible toothbrushes for wives and moms.

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