Mighty Life List
Apr 2 2007

Karaoke Madness

Early Sunday afternoon, we stop by one of our favorite antique co-ops. This time, something is gravely different.

It seems, in order to promote their new karaoke venture at the town pub, two of the owners have set up an enormous karaoke machine amongst the porcelain creamers and table runners.

We halt just inside the front door to stare as they whoop their way through Aretha Franklin’s “Respect.” Then we realize that we are the only customers, and that eye contact is a serious mistake. We become absorbed in the rusty egg beaters and depression-glass juicers, but it’s too late.

“Hello!” the woman calls out. “Do you Karaoke?”
We are unsure of how to respond. We look at each other uneasily.
“Do you want to sing ‘Respect’?” she asks me.
“Me?” I say. “Oh no. No thank you.”
“Oh, why not!”
“Well… well, I suppose it’s because I’m not drunk.”
“Ahhh. Is that what it takes?”
“Yes.” I say. “That, and relative darkness.”
“Maybe a different song?”
“Maybe free coffee and a jug of Baileys would help your cause.”
“What about ‘I Got You Babe?” she asks. “You could sing it together.”
“No,” I say. “No thank you.”
“Can I get your email for our mailing list?” she asks.
We wander into the next room.

As she belts “These Boots are Made for Walkin’,” I buy a very nice illustration of a quail’s egg, and a lovely beveled mirror.

28 Responses to “Karaoke Madness”

  • Ashley Says:

    I love this! Not only is it super funny, but your writing just brings everything to life. :)

  • Nothing But Bonfires Says:

    Wow, I desperately need to know where this is. I’m certain once I’ve been, I’ll be able to add Karaoke Antiquing to my (burgeoning) list as Reason #89378974 I’m Glad I Moved To San Francisco. I promise not to buy the last rusty egg beater.

  • rachel Says:

    Yes, please tell us! And I am envious of the illustration as I collect nest and egg stuff…

  • Ms. Karen Says:

    Karaoke: a form of torture to-the-death by amature singers.

    It would take a LOT of jello shots for me to even consider grabbing a mic to sing in front of people.

  • Clair Says:

    This is way better than the Mexican karaoke restaurant on Powell and Bush. Please, Maggie, where is this place?

  • TSM Says:

    Oh, come now…it’s not all THAT bad…then again, I’m usually drinking when I do it.

  • Amy Says:

    Karaoke is just WRONG. Refusing to sing karaoke together was in our wedding vows…

  • JewJewBee Says:

    I guess I am crazy — I love me some Karaoke! I went to Karaoke “parties” 3 of the 5 nights during my honeymoon… Now, I don’t think my hubby will ever go with me again, but at least I had fun! Teeheehee…

  • JewJewBee Says:

    And I forgot to post — I REFUSE to drink when I am doing Karaoke because I take it too seriously and will get mad at myself if I mess it up!

  • samantha jo campen Says:

    Okay, now that is just the best story I’ve ever heard. EVER.

  • aimee/greeblemonkey Says:

    I think you wandered into an alternate dimension. a very, very funny one… But an alternate one nonetheless.