From the January 2007 edition of Esquire:

James Watson, Scientist:

“Do things as soon as you can If a decision needs to be made, make it. It gives you more time to change your mind.”

Penn Jillette:

“I asked [Phyllis Diller], ‘How do you do so many things?’ And she said, ‘I don’t do anything that isn’t easy. I try things, and if they’re not immediately easy for me, I quit instantly.’ That’s some of the best advice I’ve ever gotten.”

It’s harder to look threatening when you’re posing outside the Quiznos in a strip mall.

Bryan: (Bouncing the baby, singing a Doors tune) C’mon c’mon touch me babe!
Me: (Grimace)
Bryan: What?
Me: Nothing, I just thought you were singing a sweet song to the baby, and then it turned vaguely pedophile.
Bryan: (Singing to the same tune.) There are puppies in my van, let’s play!
Me: (doubled over laughing) Gah! Stop!
Bryan: Your mommy said it was OK!

1. I was reading a New Yorker article about an entomologist who used to roll her hair up in the car window when she was driving while sleepy so that her hair would jerk her awake if she fell asleep at the wheel.

2. Alice’s correspondence with age Four and a Half will hurt you with its brilliance. Read it, and do not stop until you get to the bit about Obi-Wan Kenobi.

I’m three months pregnant, and my 9-year-old nephew and I discuss baby names:

Trevor: What will you name it if it’s a boy?
Me: Maybe Hank.
Trevor: Hank Aaron had more home runs than anyone else.
Me: Really?
Trevor: He was MVP in 1957.
Me: I didn’t know that.
Trevor: He was also black at the time.