Categories 
OK, SHHHHH
The girl at the next table is very drunk. When her tablemate heads for the restroom, she unexpectedly turns to me and my friend.
“God damn, he’s cute. You know? He’s cute right? I know! He’s married, and I’m engaged, but man. You know what I mean? Man! I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love my Mark, and he loves his Anne. I mean, Dan isn’t even my type. He’s all built and jacked up, and Mark is like tall and thin and fuckin’ smooooooth. You know? Fuckin’ smooth. I mean, compared to Mark, Dan is nothing to look at. I mean, he’s hot, or whatever, but not my type. I mean Mark is gorgeous, like a fuckin’ model. And Anne is so sweet, and she’s gorgeous too, like, model-gorgeous. And I love Anne, for sure, she’s incredible, I mean, so incredible. But it’s like, when me and Dan get together, it’s like… Man! I mean, I’d never do anything with him, I wouldn’t even date him, I wouldn’t even look at him normally as the type of guy I’d look at. Maybe for like two seconds. But I love my Mark, and he loves his Anne. Nothing’s gonna happen, but you know sometimes you just gotta get it out. And me and him are like laaaughing and talking and just laying it out, like, I like you, I like you too stuff. Nothing’s gonna happen though. OK, SHHHHHH! Here he comes!”
This is fascinating. Frightening, and horrible, yet fascinating. Wow.
LOLOL. Ah, man, thanks for my first laugh today.
Yeah, something is so gonna happen. And it’s not gonna be good.
The best 243-word novel I’ve ever read.
Recipe for DISASTER. Oh boy.
Oh, sweet baby jesus.
And- what alkali said- totally.
Timeless stuff.
Wow, someone counted the no. of words? I have to agree though – this is a novel right there
That is just histerical. I can completely picture that whole scene in my head.
Wow. All I can do it quote this week’s “Friday Night Lights”: “I may not have a PhD in Stupid like you do, but I can tell you that this is going to end badly.”
I agree that something is so totally gonna happen. Maybe they can hook Mark and Anne up with each other. What a mess!
You have some much fun when you get to get out of the house. I’m sooo jealous. I never overhear anything good.
Stuff like this is why being alive is fun.
People can be such morons, I swear.
Memo-At-Large to Smoove Mark: Get out while you still can!
uh-oh! I wonder if any of those guys read this site!
I love the instantly complicit stranger.
I’m PRAYING it was more like: *her thinking bubble here* Hey, there’s MIGHTY GIRL! I know, I will give her some quick blog fodder.”
i keep repeating “quick blog fodder” to myself. i like the sound of it.
I am very impressed that you can memorize all what she said and are not confused with all the names…
Damn! I’ve *got* to move to San Francisco.
Wow, and I thought I was the only one who attracted the marginally sane to confess their innermost weirdness to me.
Best. Post. Ever.
But, man, I bet something happened, because I’m very intuitive like that. (Man!)
I want to know what happened. This is why I watch too much TV – the slightest thing gets my interest and sucks me in…
Oh yeah, she LOVES ANNE, FOR SURE.
At a party, this would have been worth those “Greasy sausage balls on a paper plate.” Almost.
True love doesn’t exist in this World.
Sorry to bust everyone’s bubble, but what the hell are you doing out of the house, near the drunk hooking-up people? Didn’t you have a baby? YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED OUT WITH THE DRUNK HOOKING-UP PEOPLE THIS SOON AFTER. Otherwise we’ve been wasting the last….oooooohhhh, four years.
Funny thing is, if that conversation had happened in Michigan, I would be 99.9999989% sure you were sitting next to a really close friend of mine from college. Appallingly eerie that it didnt happen in Michigan really…
Too funny! I love it! I used to be that girl!
uh. wow. did you just sit in amazement, afraid to make any sudden movements the whole time she verbally vomited all over you?
Oh, Dan is gonna get laid.
Maybe Drunk Girl, Ann, Dan *and* Mark should have a date.
And P.S. I gotta know… was Dan as inebriated? That would make for some interesting Morning After.
gotta love alcohol!
Maggie: You just won the Adjacent Table award. Bossy sometimes refuses to speak to her own family in restaurants because she is so busy listening to the people one table over. Except other than one Proposal (she said no) the events at the next table inevitably fall short. Or maybe nothing can compare to to the drama taking place at Bossy’s own table, which usually involves at least one child refusing to eat the food due to the proximity of real live parsley.
Like they say the grass is always greener.
The grass may be greener but it still has to be mowed.
Who cares,really? I’m Anne and I’ve been doing Mark for the past six months!
How come stuff like this never happens to me? Because seriously, that was awesome.
okay. that was hilarious.
xoa
You see, now I need pictures of all four of them to form an opinion. Also, I agree with the above in wanting to know if Tablemate was also snockered.
I get the feeling that something’s gonna happen. SHHHHHHH.
What were you doing in the Marina?
I picture you typing dictation style as she is talking to you and you maintain surprised/amused eye contact the whooooollllleeee time…..
LOVED IT
nice going, i really enjoyed my stay at your site, thanx. lol.
poor Anne and Mark.
Something is soooo going to happen! haha Horrible!
Animals truly do rule this land…
WOW! The things people will share……
You gotta love it!
this is as good as the time i listened to 2 women in a family-friendly restaurant talk at top-volume about recent “fucks” they had experienced. one gal saying to the other, “so, were you making love, or were you fucking? was it a good fuck? huh? yeah? i thought so, he looks like he’d be good.” the other girl replying, “i don’t need to fuck right now, i need to MAKE LOVE. i haven’t had that in awhile. jason just likes to fuck, and i’m sick of it.” all the while, i’m thinking, “my three-year-old is totally going to start saying fuck. and i have these fucktards to blame.”
Typing into this little comments box, chatting with the rest of you… I don’t know any of you. You are strangers to me just exactly like Mark and Dan and Anne and the St. Pauli Girl are to Mighty Girl and her friend… yet, I feel this connection with you.
Why is that? How does that work?
Oh yeah, I’m drunk!
Oh, yeah. This is EXACTLY why I quit drinking.
And I love that you spelled Anne “with an e”.
It’s ’cause you’re fancy.
oh MAN i know that feeling.
*sigh*
it is why i shouldn’t drink as well. that feeling comes in a bottle.
Too funny, drunk peoples conversations are a good source of humor! Thanks for posting it!