Zipper Flats

Originally uploaded by MaggieMason.

OK, pretend you’re at my house. And then I’m all, “Hey! Do you want to see the super-sweet stuff I got in Argentina?” And you’re all, “Yeah!”

And then we braid each other’s hair! Unless you’re a guy. In which case, I totally love guys like you.

Bathroom graffitti in four parts:

-This is not the high road.
-It’s not the low road either, Goldilocks.
-It is the middle way. (heart)
-It’s the bathroom, guys.

common blood splatter patterns

Originally uploaded by MaggieMason.

On our way home from Argentina, we stayed for a few days in Austin. On the drive from the Dallas airport, we stopped at the Texas Ranger Hall of Fame and Museum in Waco. There we found:

• A blood-splatter simulation display.
• A collection of bugs that inhabit the human body as it begins to decompose.
• A safe full of valuables that contains a beauty pageant tiara.

There were also enough guns to outfit a large militia, and endless photos of white men in hats. While we were there, a man’s cell phone rang, and before he picked up, I recognized his ringer as “God Bless America.” I love you, Texas.

Capri suits? Stop it.

After a few minutes in line for the bathroom the girl next to me asks the guy in front how long he’s been waiting. “A few minutes,” he replies. “Hm,” she says. “Did you try . . . pushing the door?” He steps forward, turns that knob, and pushes the door open.

Later, the same guy runs into a friend. She comments that he’s drunk. He denies it. She asks if he’s high. He says no. Their conversation turns to a tall friend of theirs, and she mentions his height. The guy responds, “Dude! Why do you keep asking if I’m high?” “No!” She says, “H-I-G-H-T!”