B: Did you just call her boobs “the villains?”

T: What? No! I said, “If you’re willing.”

Me: I’m totally calling my boobs the villains from now on. McNeil and Lehrer is getting tired.

After a long day of copyediting:

Who’s zoomin’ who, Bryan?

What?

Who’s zooooomin’ whoooo.

You’ve had enough tea.

I’m not caffeinated, I’m joyous.

OK.

Who’s zooOOOOOmin’ whooooo!

OK, that’s annoying.

You’re right, maybe I should have a glass of wine before we go out.

No way. Then you’ll be amped and uninhibited.

Tell me, baby. Tell me, baby!

Scenario: An older man in a fedora has a brief conversation with a tipsy woman who boards and sits next to him.

Him: How you doin’ tonight?

Her: Not so good.

-What’s wrong baby?

-You know, you know, everything just out of control.

-What you mean?

-You hear about these boys? These boys gettin’ killed every day. Twenty of ‘em.

-What you talkin’ about?

-These boys on the bus, all of them killed.

-This happen today?

-No! No, long time ago.

-Well, ain’t nothin’ you can do ’bout that.

-I cain’t hardly figure myself out over it.

-You can’t let that get you down, baby. You got to move on.

-I know, but I got so many worries.

-You got to pick your worries.

-Yeah. How you gonna choose, they all over the place like that?

-Listen, why don’t we go get ourselves a beer or somethin’?

-Baby, will you come home with me tonight and keep my company?

-We can talk about that.

-Yeah? Help me out, baby.

-Well, we can talk about it.

-Yeah…

-That sounds very interesting to me, you know?

-Help me out, baby.

-Long as it ain’t gonna be no problem.

-No. No problem.

-That sounds very interesting to me.

Driving along, Jeff and I note a vanity plate on the car in front of us:

Jeff: AGENT XXX

Me: Stripper car.

Jeff: “I do porn for the government.”

The plum trees are in bloom.