Best “Real World” line ever:

“You’re not gonna do it? Tsk. I’m not gonna pinky swear with you guys ever again.”

Music: YOU DOWN WITH OPP? YEAH YOU KNOW ME!

L: What does that mean?

Me: What?

L: What does that even mean?

Me: It means, “Say, do you feel that OPP accurately represents your worldview, resulting in an increased respect for, and loyalty to, him and what he represents?”

L:What?

M: And then the other guy says, “Why yes, you’re well-acquainted with my fealty for said musician. In fact, this entire party feels the same way.”

L:…You’re drunk.

There’s something about the confidence of a straight guy wearing pink tennis shoes that suggests he’d be good in bed.

In researching charities for a Morning News article, I came across this site. It’s a charity that, I shit you not, trains monkeys to help quadriplegics. Could this rock any more? At first the idea seemed so weirdly revolutionary that I thought it couldn’t be for real. Tell me that the logo, the tagline (“Monkey helpers for the disabled”), and those grainy photos don’t make it look like a very well-conceived spoof? But it’s not. These are real, live monkey helpers, and this is the best idea anyone has had in a long time. Why, oh why, aren’t they selling T-shirts with just the logo on the front? I’d buy three.

The news that Bush planned his war with Iraq a few days after inauguration has me upset. Plato, who is smarter than me, says this:

“When the tyrant has disposed of foreign enemies by conquest or treaty, and there is nothing to fear from them, then he is always stirring up some war or other, in order that the people may require a leader.”