Urban Outfitters is selling a sock-monkey wearing a T-shirt that says “Punk’s Not Dead.” This, of course, put the last nail in the coffin.

Scenario: Two junior high-age girls chat over coffee. Their thoughts turn to love.

Don’t go out with him just because you want a boyfriend.

Weeeell.

He’s shallow.

Shallow is a whole other thing.

OK.

If you tell anyone…

I’m not gonna tell anyone.

OK, I swear, if you tell them.

I’m not gonna tell. You have a ton of dirt on me.

True. Anyway, it’s not hugely liking, but … I like him.

That’s awesome.

Yeah, but I’m not gonna tell everyone.

You should tell him.

You’re not gonna tell them.

Everyone knows.

Yeah, but you’re not gonna tell them.

There’s nothing to say. Everyone already knows.

You’re not gonna say that. I’m going to tell him myself.

No you won’t, you won’t do anything about it.

Yes I will. And if you tell, I’ll tell your stuff.

No you won’t.

Yes, I will.

Please. I haven’t done that much.

Well, I’ll dig up more dirt on you, or I’ll lie and say you did something really bad.

Whatever.

Seriously. Dooooooon’t tell.

Then you have to tell.

I wiiiilllll. Don’t tell.

Then you have to tell.

Don’t.

Then you do it.

Just don’t.

…

Okaaaay? Doooooooooon’t!!!

…

Seriously. Don’t.

I have a new wedding series article up at The Morning News. It’s called Wedding Guide, Part III: Wedding Party Responsibilities.

I’ve been sick for a week. This gave me a chance to finish Dave Eggers’s latest book. I also watched several episodes of “Newlyweds” the new MTV reality series. If you have some spare time, allow me to recommend the book. My favorite parts:

“Passing a middle-aged couple in matching jackets:

–You two need to change.

–What? Why? the middle aged couple said, to my head, in my head.

–Because you are wearing the same jacket.

–We bought them while on vacation in Newport.

–You must be hidden from view.

–The jackets are nice.

–They are not nice. You must change to save us all.”

“–You, on the motorcycle.

–Yes.

–It’s only a matter of time.

–I know.”

“I would know that in any city, at an hour like this, there are people sleeping. That most people are sleeping. But that in any city, in any cluster of people, there are a few people who are awake at this hour, who are both awake and dancing, and it’s here that we need to be.”

If you came to mightygirl.net and found it missing this weekend, that was my bad. My spam has quadrupled in the past few weeks, and I somehow managed to delete my “domain expiring” emails without a second glance. Bryan spent many hours this weekend getting me up and running again (thanks, mister), while I addressed invitations. I now own mightygirl.net for the next ten years. Next time this happens, I can blame it on the kids.