They just posted my last piece in the etiquette series for The Morning News. It’s called
Don’t Be Rude: Part IV, Weddings. Now I can only hope that no one holds me to my own standards.
Month: September 2002
A Solid Start
This morning, I stumbled into the bathroom, put the toothpaste on my toothbrush, and dropped it in the toilet. Things can only get better.
Corporate Dollars At Work!
Kaiser Permanente has a kid-outreach program called, wait for it, “Nightmare on Puberty Street.” As you can see, Kaiser has it’s corporate finger on the pulse of America’s youth culture. Nightmare on Elm Street was first released in 1984, five years before most of these kids were born. Note the actor’s stylish peach T-shirt, striped baseball cap, and overalls. I can only hope they rap.
Artsy
I did another 20 Things swap. “Unsupervised” is in the upper left corner.
SWIFTIAN MOMENT
She’s under arrest for repeatedly punching her four-year-old daughter. Her name is Madelyne Gorman Toogood.
HESITATION
I stood at the register indecisively, a copy of BUST in one hand, and Weddingbells Magazine in the other.
Things You Can Learn From Reference Books
Cheese rhymes with gum disease.
And Pekingese.
Given
Three things I like:
- People who hum along with songs in stores.
- Bright socks with somber outfits.
- Black women’s voices.
Three things I do not like:
- The intensely defined spaces between your teeth when you’ve just had them cleaned.
- Removing dark fingernail polish to find that my nails aren’t clean.
- The muffled “pink!” that moths make when they butt against the porch light in the dark.
what if We Had a War and
The War on Iraq Evite.
(via Defective Yeti)
The News
Me: Hi Grandpa, it’s Margaret.
Grandpa: Hi sweetheart! How are you doin?
Me: Great! I have good news.
Grandpa: Oh? What’s that?
Me: I got engaged!
Grandpa: No kidding! That’s wonderful, that’s wonderful, honey!
Me: Yeah! I’m really happy.
Grandpa: Wow, that’s great news. Do we know this gentleman?
Me: No, you haven’t met him yet. His name is Bryan Mason; you’ll love him.
Grandpa: Is he a good guy?
Me: He’s the best guy I know.
Grandpa: Well, you should know, you’ve been around.
Me: Ha! True enough.
Grandpa: Congratulations, sweetheart. Let me get Grandma.
Engaging
Me: Where are we going?
Him: We’re going for a toast.
Me: Where?
Him: Up here.
Drives into a dark little park at the top of a hill. Man in bushes crouches down as we enter the lot.
Me: Did you see that guy?
Him: What?
Me: That guy who hid when we drove in.
Him: Nope.
Me: He’s right back there.
Him: Huh. Let’s go.
Me: I’m not getting out of the car, there’s a psycho hiding in the bushes.
Him: Come on!
Me: No way! He’s seriously lying in wait for someone to rape.
Him: Let’s go!
Me: No!
Him: Come on. It’ll be fine.
Me: Do you have a pocketknife or anything?
(He closes the car door and heads out. I open the glove compartment and search for a weapon.)
And that’s why I had a pair of scissors in my pocket when he proposed.
Request
Hello, Charlz Theron. I hope this finds you well. I couldn’t find an email address on your site, so I thought I’d just drop you a line here. I know you read my site because, well, I wrote your July 15 entry. Could you remove that, please? Thanks, ever so.
Mighty Girl 