8.21.02 GUY ON HIS CELL PHONE IN THE DELI

What are you talking about?�

No, no, I was totally involved. Totally�.

And she knows Voodoo.

8.19.02 THREE PHRASES THAT I WOULD LIKE YOU TO USE MORE

• To express dissatisfaction: “I don’t give a tinker’s damn.”
• As a toast: “Here’s mud in your eye!”
• To express approval: “He’s a tall, cool drink of water.”

8.15.02 AT LONG LAST, VICTORY

I totally won the office picnic hula-hoop contest. Then I had a sno-cone.

8.14.02 SHE GOT SAUCE

On meeting a girl who I can’t believe is still single:

Me: Hi, I don’t think we’ve met yet. I’m Maggie.

Her: Hi, I’m Kate.

(Conversation ensues.)

Kate: I’m sorry, what was your name again? I’m horrible with names.

Me: No problem, it’s Maggie. I don’t remember yours either.

Kate: Here, I’ll do the little Kate dance to help cement it. (Throws hands in hair, shakes bum and turns in little circles while chanting, “Kate! Kate! Kate!)

Me: I will never, ever forget that again.

8.12.02 FOURTEEN GIRLS AND A BOTTLE OF RUM

I removed three pairs of boxer briefs from my purse this morning. The bachelorette went well. It is decidedly easier than I ever imagined to find a man who will remove his underwear on a public street. Many thanks to Rich, Jed, and John, all of whom gave selflessly for the cause. Happy wedding, Ali.

SUGAR ON TOP

Another article up at The Morning News, please go and read it. Don’t Be Rude: Part II, Relationships.