Mighty Life List
May 29 2002


I passed a store window in the Castro that featured a pair of socks with the slogan “I (heart) my penis” embroidered on each one. I must have them.

May 24 2002


On my way to the mailbox, I sighed and stepped over a baby bird that had fallen from his nest to the sidewalk. A few moments later, I noticed a well-dressed man walking in my direction. I could see from half a block away that he was talking to himself. We had just passed one another when I heard him mutter, “I’m still lonely.” So that was a bummer.

May 22 2002

Pretty in Pink

Have you ever tried Pepto-Bismol? Even the name sounds like someone vomiting. Bismol. Biiiismmooooohhhhl. But when I’m about hoik up my intestines, I always think to myself, “Boy, howdy! What I could use right now is a nice little plastic cup brimming with pink, minty, viscous fluid.”

May 21 2002


The Case for Cocktails is my second piece for The Morning News. Cheers.

May 20 2002

Superman or Chewbacca?

This is almost as addictive as Hot or Not. What’s Better
asks you to rate incongruous things. What’s better, a nuclear explosion or a bull elephant seal?

(via rabbit blog)

May 16 2002


A teenage boy ascends from the subway wearing a T-shirt that screams “I GOT CRABS AT TOMMY’S CRAB SHACK.”

May 15 2002

For Sentimantal Reasons

The guy on the treadmill in front of me was muscle-bound, had a shaved head, and was wearing one of those tank tops with armholes cut down to his waist. He was reading “The Big Book of Torch Songs.”