Mighty Life List
Mar 17 2002

Josh Needs a Date

Josh is nice. Josh is available. I like him. Josh is in sight of earning his Ph.D at Berkeley in Genetics. He could engineer the perfect child. Pictured here is his winning smile. Also pictured, his exceptional abdomen. (Josh made me take down the picture of his exceptional abdomen. Boo.) Josh is embarrassed. See Josh blush. He plays soccer. Right now he is reading George Orwell’s biography. Well, not right now. Right now we’re getting drunk with a large group of friends. Later, Josh will read George Orwell’s biography. With keen interest. With intent. Josh is a man who reads with intent. You should date him if you are a girl who likes to date boys. E-mail Josh at datejosh@yahoo.com. I’ll pay for the date. (As long as the date is very, very cheap.) Hooray!

Mar 7 2002

White Guy on a Cell Phone

Hey, Dave. Sup?
Pizza, light cheese? I’m down. (Turns to friend.) You down with pizza, light cheese? (Friend nods)
We’re down
Kay. Cool, dude

Mar 6 2002

Mom Material

In San Francisco, when people don’t want outdated computer components (or bedroom sets), they put them out on the street in hopes that someone will take them away. I was walking by a school this weekend when I saw two boys coming up the street with an old printer. They were stalking around a recessed playground where a young couple was playing basketball.

The courtyard was about 15 feet below street level. The boy holding the printer was looking around nervously; the other one was yelling, Drop it! Drop it! I knew the printer would smash spectacularly, I also envisioned some of its smaller component parts flying up into the basketball players eyes. So I mustered my most adult voice and yelled:

HEY! Don’t drop that there, you might hit those people… Drop it, like, over there.

Mar 5 2002

Overheard: Love in a Time of…


Scenario: A young man and woman discuss two mutual acquaintances who’ve just had a romantic rendezvous.

Him: He’s dirty.

Her: Dirty?

Him: Dirdy birdy.

Her: Uh-oh. Someone’s gonna be fightin the fungus.