Month: October 2001


HAPPY HALLOWEEN

This morning on my way in to work I passed a guy riding his bike. His grass skirt was blowing dangerously close to his chain and he was using one hand to support the four-foot-tall wooden tribal mask he was wearing. Yesterday, I passed a guy in jeans, an REI jacket, and a pair of fairy wings. I heart Halloween.

P.S. Thanks to everyone who sent birthday wishes, cards, and gifts over the last week. All of them made me smile.

10:15 a.m.


ANOREXIA PETRI DISH

Self magazine has a “What I Ate Today” feature where they ask some marginal celebrity to detail, rice cake by rice cake, what she’s eaten that day. Yeah… I’ve had sweet tarts for breakfast two days in a row now.

4:23 p.m.


WHAT SAY YOU, MARTHA STEWART LIVING?

Excerpt from “Hanging Versus Folding”:

“After washing, you have two choices: to hang or to fold. Which is best for a particular item depends on several factors…Deciding when to hang and when to fold is only part of the job, however. On the following pages we show you the best ways to do both, so your clothes are ready when you are.”

4:48 p.m.


ODDS AND ENDS

Three things to consider:

  • I’ve never seen a female cab driver in San Francisco.
  • There’s a hearse parked on Mission St. that has a Jack-In-The-Box antenna ball.
  • A billboard: “Joint Juice. A full-day’s supply of glucosamine. Building cartilage has never tasted so good.”

Three food items I don’t understand:

  • Pre-cooked bacon
  • The pecans in mixed nuts
  • Maple doughnuts

2:10 p.m.


I GROW OLD, I GROW OLD

Yesterday was my birthday, and I had a good time. I spent the day baking, carving pumpkins, and thinking of reasons why 26 is old. I don’t understand bubble tea, I’ve never been to a rave, and all the Saturday morning cartoons suck. My CD collection features entirely too much James Taylor, I had knee surgery this year, and I’m really starting to notice when the refrigerator needs cleaning. On the upside, I no longer order drinks with schnapps in them, I don’t apologize for things that aren’t my fault, and I make a mean peanut butter cookie.

3:45 p.m.


LADIES NIGHT: SEAMSTRESS ADVENTURES

Lady 1: What have you been up to with work?

Lady 2: I made a play suit for this guy.

Lady 1: A “play” suit?

Lady 2: That’s what he called it. It was basically a body suit with modifications.

Lady 3: What kind of modifications?

Lady 2: Well it took me awhile to figure out what he wanted, he wouldn’t just spit it out. He’s like, “Can you make it really fitted?” and I’m like, “Yeah.” And he’s like, “I mean, I want it to fit me really well everywhere.” And I’m like, “Kay…” And he says, “I want it to have three little pouches.” So I say, “You mean you basically want a ball sack?”

Lady 4: Three pouches?

Lady 2: That’s what I was thinking. I’m like (confused expression, counts on fingers). I was like, “This is gonna have to be a small, medium, large thing, because I’m not interested in getting that personal.”

Lady 5: What color was it?

Lady 2: Bright yellow.

Lady 6: YELLOW?

Lady 2: Yep.

Lady 6: What is that?

Lady 4: Chiquita fetish.

Lady 5: He’s got the fruit hat at home, and a set of castanets.

Lady 6: Come over here, mama’s big ba-nan-ah!

4:01 p.m.


…AND SCREAM, AND SCREAM

I saw a bus-stop ad yesterday that read, “I scream, you scream, we all scream for pork tenderloin.”

3:31 p.m.