MODIFICATIONS

Remember my post about the guy who wants to be a tiger? Frank mentioned the guy who wants to be a lizard. I also looked up the woman who’s had all kinds of freaked-out plastic surgery so she could look more like a cat. All I want is a tan.

2:47 p.m.

LADIES NIGHT EXCERPT

Lady 1: I actually once wrestled in hot oil with another woman.

Lady 2: What? How did that come up?

Lady 1: It’s not as bad as it sounds, it was for an art project.

Lady 2: Riight. “Art.”

Lady 1: It was supposed to be kind of like a spoof of oil wrestling, but it was kind of weird because they asked us to fill in at the last minute so we didn’t really know what the piece was about.

Lady 3: Were you naked?

Lady 1: No, no. They just told us to wear a bikini or underwear or whatever we were comfortable in. It was kind of scary just before we went on. I’m thinking, “I’m about to get up in front of all these people I know and hot oil wrestle with another woman.”

Lady 2: No way. That makes you rad. That’s when your stock totally shoots up.

Lady 4: That’s when you go IPO.

10:41 a.m.

THINGS THAT MAKE ME UNEASY, FIRST IN A SERIES

A fire truck pulled up in front of the corner grocery store. No sirens, no lights, it looked like they just needed to pick something up. A few minutes later the firefighters emerged… with a bag of charcoal.

11:02 a.m.

TWO THINGS ABOUT COLMA, CALIFORNIA

People magazine’s Best and Worst Dressed issue has some fantastic stuff going on. First there’s the tasteless headline accompanying the story on Anne Heche’s wedding:

“CRAZY…

in love.”

Then People’s West Coast Style Editor, Steven Cojocaru, gives us his insight on how Nicole Kidman is coping with the end of her marriage:

“Her heart was broken on the inside, but she’s healing through fashion.”

10:56 a.m.