Mighty Life List
Sep 28 2000

Ever since the Monica Lewinsky thing, I’ve occasionally seen this guy walking down Market Street with a sign that reads, “IMPEACH CLINTON.” It says some other stuff below, but I never bothered to read it. I figured the guy was just a political freak. Well, after several months passed and he was still around, I started to wonder why. This morning I read most of the rest of his sign before the bus moved along:

IMPEACH CLINTON

Nine Galaxies

United in protest.

1:04 p.m.

Sep 27 2000

For all the guys who were feeling left out when I posted the fake nipple site, I present to you penisenvy.com:

“You can do something about your small penis! Are you tired of meeting attractive women only to find out they are into well hung guys? Are you
tired of women who don’t want anything smaller than 7 or 8 inches? Do you want to be hung like a
horse? Do you want to enlarge your penis? Well now you can.”

1:27 p.m.

Sep 26 2000

I’m reading In the Skin of the Lion by Michael Ondaatje. I love this description of a girl rolling over:

“Clara turned slowly like something on the floor of the ocean.”

2:27 p.m.

Sep 20 2000

Another Onion tribute:

William Safire Orders Two Whoppers
Junior

NEW YORK–Stopping for lunch at a
Manhattan Burger King, New York
Times ‘On Language’ columnist
William Safire ordered two “Whoppers
Junior” Monday. “A majority of Burger
King patrons operate under the
fallacious assumption that the plural is
‘Whopper Juniors,'” Safire told a
woman standing in line behind him.
“This, of course, is a grievous
grammatical blunder, akin to saying
‘passerbys’ or, worse yet, the dreaded
‘attorney generals.'” Last week, Safire
patronized a midtown Taco Bell,
ordering “two Big Beef Burritos
Supreme.”

4:00 p.m.

Sep 15 2000

This article made me sad. It’s about people robbing hundreds of flowers at a time from a little park in San Francisco.

11:34 a.m.

Sep 14 2000

Some chick is out at a bar one night thinking, “Sure, you can see my nipples thorough my shirt most of the time. But what if it’s warm out, or my shirt isn’t creating enough friction? There may be entire minutes when my nipples aren’t as perky and visible as I’d like. How can I ensure that my nipples look exactly how I want them to look all the time?”

Enter Body Perks, a site that sells fake nipples to paste over your -real- nipples. The idea is that they’ll be at attention all the time and will more effectively show through your shirt. And get their catchy ad slogan: “Nipples are in!”

Right.

2:04 p.m.

Sep 14 2000

This is the most interesting portion of an article on the possibility of implanting computer chips in our brains:

Researchers at the University of
Washington estimate that it will take them a
decade to implant tiny computer chips into the
brain of a sea slug, which will then be released to
wander the ocean floor under video surveillance.

When the slug moves forward, dozens of
intracellular electrodes will record its neural
activity. When the slug stops, the electrodes will
record that, too.

When enough data have been collected, the
scientists will begin reverse-programming:
feeding the recorded electrical patterns back into
the slug’s brain. If all goes well, the slug will go
forward. (The military applications are
staggering.)

10:28 a.m.