My two favorite

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy:

“Any time I see something screech across the room and latch on to someone’s neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I just have to laugh, because what is that thing?!”

“I can still recall old Mr. Barslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to that board of his. Then he’d spin in round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where he stopped he’d yell out, “Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!” We all thought he was crazy. But then, we had some growing up to do.”

3:04 p.m.

My struggle as a censored poet continues. Here’s the latest renka the magazine wouldn’t publish and one haiku that made it in:

Virtuoso Optimizer

3D graphics tool
Lets shoppers "see, touch, and feel"
E-commerce products.

That�s what their site says.
The statement�s implications
Aren�t all G-rated.

Symantec Enterprise Security

Security tool
Blah blah modular blah blah
Go look at their site.

2:25 p.m.

Found this on

Slashdot:

“Here’s an interesting way one Napster user is causing problems for Napster. In a nutshell, he’s creating songs that are exactly the same length as a legitimate song, but with an annoying cukoo sound in place of the song. An interesting way to protest copyright infringement. …Lots of Fingerbang fans are gonna be really annoyed when they waste all that download time!”

12:07 p.m.

My friend’s ex-boyfriend is getting married to a girl who says she only looks for three things in a man, “Laughter, Comfort, and Music.”

Romantic philosophy, or the title of John Tesh’s new Christmas album?

3:15 p.m.

The Bad News:

DURBAN, South Africa (AP) — Nearly 28 million children in Africa will have lost at least one of their parents to AIDS by the year 2010, causing a social nightmare for these countries for decades, according to a report released Thursday.

“The HIV pandemic is producing orphans on a scale unrivaled in history,” said Susan Hunter, an author of the “Children on the Brink 2000″ by the U.S. Agency for International Development. A summary was released at the 13th International AIDS Conference.

1:06 p.m.